Spiritual Spaghetti

I miss pasta.  It’s one of my all-time favorite foods, but we don’t eat it at home much anymore.  Turbo’s Celiac Disease prohibits him from wheat pasta, and although tasty gluten-free noodle options now exist, they tend to be a blood sugar nightmare.  It’s simply easier to eat some chicken and steamed veggies instead of trying to make pasta dishes work for our family.

Last night, however, we had spaghetti for dinner.  I’d really been missing my beloved pasta, and when I found Angel Hair on sale last week, I bought some both to indulge my craving and to supplement our food budget with a cheap meal.  Paired with Classico-brand sauce (gluten free and no sugar added, all for a decent price – score on multiple accounts!) and a side of cauliflower, all I had to do to make it suitable for Turbo was to steam a spaghetti squash for some Celiac/Diabetes-friendly “noodles.”

It was a huge hit.  From the beaver-cheeked smiles and multiple compliments from the spark plugs, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had been missing an Italian-inspired meal.

As easy as spaghetti is supposed to be, though, ours wasn’t.

It may seem like an easy thing to keep separate utensils and dishes to prevent gluten contamination, but I find it difficult.  Multiple times I caught myself about to stir the squash noodles with the wheat noodle spoon.  I had to dig out my spare pair of tongs for dishing out the various meals.  Even cleanup was no simple matter; what if I scrubbed out the pasta pot first and then washed the other pans?  Would the scrubber cross-contaminate the other items?  I’ve really no idea.

As tasty and refreshingly different as the spaghetti was, I have to wonder whether or not it’s truly the best meal for us.  While there’s nothing wrong with serving it, we have to be extremely cautious, and that detracts from the ease of preparation.  And what if I’d actually contaminated something?  We would’ve had to start the cooking process over, I suppose.

I began to wonder how many things we do in life that are not truly harmful but could easily lead down a path we shouldn’t go down – things that, at first, appear to be a fun idea but which take us dangerously close to becoming involved in something we as believers should have no part of.  I’m sure there are many.

Our spaghetti experience likely won’t keep me from preparing it on occasion, but I will take extra precautions before serving it again.  Truthfully, I really should simply serve all of us the squash noodles and thus avoid the possibility of contamination all together.  If only there were such a simple fix in our spiritual lives so that we could enjoy the “pasta” without threat of falling into temptation!

Your turn:  Have you ever found yourself in a spiritually-dangerous situation?  How did you handle it?  What would you do differently in the future to prevent the same thing from happening again?

A Damaged Diamond and A Perfect Promise

Last week, I smashed my diamond wedding ring in the folds of Baby D’s heavy stroller.  Expecting the worst, I checked for damage, and sure enough, I’d bent one of the prongs on my large diamond. (Although difficult to see in the above photo, the lower left prong is out of place and isn’t even touching the diamond.  You can click on the picture to see a close-up view.)  This is actually the third time that I’ve wrecked my ring, and I was frustrated that I’d been careless with it once again.  The incident reminded me of a post I wrote years ago on an old blog, so I decided to repost it here.

I’m not a showy person, so I never really anticipated owning an extravagant ring. A simple, small diamond on a plain gold band was all I ever hoped to have. Imagine my surprise when, after proposing, Jon presented me with a brilliant-cut half-carat diamond set in an ornately-designed band! It was absolutely stunning, and I felt beyond treasured that he would give me such a lovely gift.

I never take my ring off, and one day I inevitably whacked it against the wall when running after one of the boys. In doing so, I visibly bent one of the setting’s prongs. I took it in to be repaired, and the jeweler told me that not only was the prong bent, but I had actually chipped my very precious diamond. There really wasn’t much to be done for the diamond, but once the prong was repaired, it completely covered the diamond’s damage and the ring now appears as perfect as it was when I first received it.

After relaying this story to friend, she asked, “Why didn’t you have the ring insured? You could have had the diamond replaced.” Even if we’d insured the ring and had the option of replacing the damaged diamond, I don’t think I would have chosen to do that. While the ring is beautiful, it’s the promise behind it that gives it value. Jon gave me the ring with this promise: “I will be committed to you for as long as we both shall live. Nothing will cause me to break that promise.” This ring, its imperfections and all, symbolizes that promise for me. I don’t really care that its original monetary worth has been significantly reduced; the promise behind it has not.

In a way, my ring also reminds me of the promise of salvation. I am a broken diamond, chipped beyond repair. But God in His mercy covered me with the blood of the Lamb, just as the new prong covers the chip in my ring’s diamond. He no longer sees the broken me, but instead, He sees the righteousness of His Son covering my brokenness. My imperfections will never cause Him to remove my salvation, just as my broken ring does not annul Jon’s commitment to me.

A new diamond might have greater monetary value, but my imperfect one is much more dear than any replacement could be.

All fixed – for the third time.  And I’m guessing this won’t be the last, either.

That First Cup of Coffee: Lessons Learned from Bootstrapping A Business

“You can never un-sell a bad first cup of coffee.”

When my husband Jon and I began our business, the above thought was never far from my mind.  In my hometown, a new coffee shop closed its doors after a dismally-short operation.  I later learned that the company had initially sold a poor-quality coffee.  Despite switching to a better brand, it never recovered from the first bad reputation, and so my “first cup of coffee” philosophy was born.

Jon’s and my business venture was slated to launch several months before its actual release date.  The delays were discouraging, but more than anything else, we wanted to avoid presenting a low-quality product riddled with frustrating bugs that would permanently chase away potential clientele.  As hard as it was to wait, I’m thankful that we did.  We now have a product to be proud of, and we came away with several good lessons about starting a business that we likely would have missed otherwise.

Starting a business takes hard work, patience, and more hard work.

Our greatest underestimation when we stared out was just how much time, energy, and patience our project would require.  Bootstrapping a business (starting a business without any capital or investors) is not for the faint of heart.  Over and over again, Jon and I had to encourage one another to keep going.

It’s good to plan, but plan in sand instead of stone.

We originally set high stakes for our business.  We wanted to launch it in under two years, and we wanted to do so with 3 times the amount of content that we actually launched with.  We didn’t make either of these goals.  Was it wrong to set such lofty ideals?  Not at all!  Had we not set them, we never would have launched in the time we did with the amount of content we did.

Crystal Payne, owner of MoneySavingMom.com and author of Money Making Mom, is a huge proponent of goal setting.  I’ve been following her blog for several years, and much of my business savvy I owe to her encouragement and teaching.  So, when Jon wanted to start out setting monthly business goals, I was all for it!

Setting goals has been extremely helpful for us.  Although goal-setting can also make us frustrated when we don’t make our benchmarks, over all, we’ve made it much farther down this entrepreneurial journey than we would have without planning.

Bootstrapping might take longer initially, but the end result is worth the headache.

With little financial resources and no desire to take out loans for our business, “bootstrapping” was our only option.   We worked with what we had on the budget we could afford.  Many months, we had no money to put toward our startup and could only give it our precious time.

At the same time that we were launching our bootstrapped business, Jon was working for a startup that had received funds from venture capitalists.  We had the unusual privilege of comparing the two different methods for starting a business.  As difficult as it was to wait and save up funds little by little, we wouldn’t trade the freedom of a debt-free business for anything else.  While we’re completely free to do as we think best with our business, the startup that Jon works for during the day has to follow the whims of the investors.

Bootstrapping is definitely not the main-stream recommended method, but Jon and I are happy to suggest an alternative to the debt, fees, and restrictions generally associated with business loans.  You simply can’t place a price on financial freedom.

Not all businesses will be successful, but neither can complete success be measured in dollars or number of users.

No one knows whether or not a business will flourish or fail, but hopefully life lessons will be learned along the way that more than make up for any financial floundering.  If our app goes nowhere, we can take away the above lessons and feel that we’ve been successful in our endeavors.  And if it does take off as we hope it does, well, that’s simply cream for an already-tasty cuppa Joe.

Your turn:  Have you ever started a business, or do you hope to start one someday?  What lessons have you learned, either from your own experience or from watching others?  Tomorrow, I’ll share about a wonderful new resource for anyone wanting to learn more about starting a business!

When My Prayer Life Resembles A 2-Year-Old's Antics

“Mommy, NEED milk!”

“Mommy, NEED cashews!”

“Mommy, NEED down!”

No matter how promptly I try to attend to Baby D’s needs at the dining table, he’s always a step ahead of me, telling me what he thinks he needs and how to do things.  As amusing as it is at first – aren’t all two-year-olds absolutely adorable even if they’re being bratty? – it quickly becomes obnoxious.  I want to throw my hands in the air, exasperated, and ask him, “After more than 11 years of parenting, don’t you trust me to take care of you?”

And in those moments, I suddenly hear myself in Baby D’s exclamations.

“Lord, I NEED the kids to be healthy!”

“Lord, we NEED Turbo’s blood sugar to come back down!”

“Lord, I NEED wisdom!”

On and on goes my list.

I can only imagine that He, after having existed from Eternity Past and having spoken the world into being from nothing, feels like saying to me, “Don’t you realize that I’ve cared for you since before you were born?  Didn’t I redeem you with the blood of My own Son?  Don’t you know that I know your needs – and how I plan to provide for them – before you’re ever aware of them?”

I’ve been feeling extra “needy” lately, and my prayer life reflects it with all of my requests for one thing or another.  I don’t feel bad about asking for anything of the Lord.  After all, we’re commanded to come boldly before the Throne for mercy and grace in our time of need (see Hebrews 4:16), and my requests are legitimate.  I ask for wisdom, for health, for the salvation of a friend or family member, for peace for someone who’s struggling, etc.  But I’ve also been convicted to take time to worship the Lord in prayer, to acknowledge His goodness, strength, mercy, and love before simply diving in with my to-do list of necessities.

Many days after enduring D’s demands, he’ll run up to me out of the blue, give me a kiss, and just as quickly return to playing again.  I love those moments.  I would guess that my Heavenly Father loves to be honored in a similar way.  While He doesn’t need the pitiful bit of praise I can offer Him, He does take delight in it just the way I delight in D’s unsolicited affection.

So, as often as I can remember, I try to praise and thank Him before diving into my list of requests (praying through some of the Psalms is a great way to do this).  And I also try to thank Him afterward for answering my prayers, whether or not He’s chosen to answer them in the way that I’d hoped.

Truthfully, remembering these other elements when praying doesn’t come naturally to me.  I like to pray Nehemiah prayers (quick prayers right on the spot) and move on to the next item on my agenda for the day.  Worshiping the Lord by savoring my time spent in prayer with Him is outside of my comfort zone, but the more I do so, the more I’m learning to deepen my prayer life.  It’s not perfect, but I am growing.  And that’s exciting to me.

There will always be times when Nehemiah prayers are perfectly acceptable, but I am welcoming this new challenge to truly spend time in prayer with the Savior as much as I am able.  I still need wisdom; still need better blood sugar control; and still need health for my family, but my new approach to prayer is deepening my faith and growing my trust in a perfectly-trust-able God.  Although I am doing it because I feel that it is honoring to Him, I am gaining equal benefit on my part, too.

Your turn:  Do you spend time praising the Lord when you pray?  What has helped you to enrich your prayer life?

When God Chooses Not to Heal

I strongly believe in the power of prayer.  I know that God can, and often does, the impossible.  When He chooses to work in ways that are clearly miraculous, it bolsters my faith and increases my trust in Him.

But what about the times that He chooses NOT to heal?

Shortly after Turbo was diagnosed and we were told that there was no cure for Type 1 Diabetes, I started hearing reports on rare cases of T1D being cured through diet and lifestyle.  Both intrigued and skeptical, I started researching the possibility. 

What I found was both encouraging and confusing.  To the best of my untrained understanding, there have been a few instances of people reversing Type 1 Diabetes*.  There are reports of curing Type 1 through an alkaline diet, a ketogenic diet, a gluten-free diet, the GAPS diet, a raw/vegan diet, and the Paleo diet.  Oddly enough, many of these specific eating regimens seem to completely conflict with one another (for example, the Paleo diet is heavily animal-protein-based, while a raw/vegan diet contains no animal products at all).  But some of the key similarities are low-carb/starch foods, the use of whole, unprocessed foods, and gluten-free foods.

(*Note:  I want to point out that many of the supposedly-cured patients likely were experiencing what is called the “honeymoon” phase of diabetes, where – for reasons not yet determined by science – the patient’s own pancreas produces adequate amounts of insulin for a time shortly following diagnosis, often resulting in the patient’s need to discontinue insulin shots for a while.)

Because of these claims about reversing Type 1 Diabetes (and I do believe that for a very few Type 1 diabetics, this has really happened), we have been experimenting with various diets for Turbo.  We took him to a certified nutritionist who specializes in reversing autoimmune disorders, including Type 1 Diabetes.  We’ve tried supplements.  And we’ve prayed.  A lot.  Many, many other people have been praying, too.

But despite the fact that our dietary choices have definitely helped us to better manage his blood sugar and have ultimately helped him to lead a healthier life, he still has diabetes.  There has never been a single day since his diagnosis that he’s not needed insulin injections.

Why didn’t the Lord choose to heal him through diet as He has for others?  Is it a lack of faith on our part?  Does God enjoy seeing His children suffer?

I certainly can’t pretend to know why God chooses to do what He does, but I know that He delights in caring for us and loves us beyond our wildest comprehension.  I am also convinced that His decision for Turbo to remain a diabetic is not due to lack of faith on our part.  God gave us Baby D when it was medically impossible for us to have another child.  Because of this, I have no doubt that He could heal Turbo in the blink of an eye.

The Lord has blessed our family with diabetes because it brings Him glory.  How or why that is, we might not know until we reach Heaven.  Dealing with diabetes has definitely increased my prayer life.  It’s expanded my faith.  It has stretched me more than anything else has ever stretched me.  It has opened my eyes to the suffering of others.  It has made me more aware of my need for a Savior.  And those are all good things.

When God chooses not to heal, it is because He has something far better in store.

Joni Eareckson Tada was once uninvited to a speaking engagement after the committee leaders decided that since God had not healed her, she must not have had enough faith.  I think her life is a beautifully-clear example of how the Lord has used her much more powerfully from her wheelchair than He would have were it not for her diving accident.

I don’t know all the ways in which the Lord will use our family to glorify Him, but I do know that since He has currently chosen to allow diabetes to remain a part of us, we can better serve Him with this affliction than we could without it.

Will God ever heal Turbo?  I don’t know.  I know that He is able to if He decides that it would serve Him best.  Diabetes isn’t our punishment.  It’s simply a tool, albeit a difficult one at times, through which we can best glorify God.

God sometimes chooses, for His glory and our good, not to heal.

34 Things That Make Me Who I Am

I love how God created each of us with our own personality and yet designed each and every one of us in His image.  Since I just celebrated my 34th birthday,  I thought it would be fun to post 34 things about myself that make me who I am and that many people may not know about me.

1. I love asymmetry…
2. …but I can’t stand modern art.
3. I’m the only person I know who wouldn’t mind driving a minivan but has never owned one.
4. I thought I’d be an artist when I grew up.
5. I routinely misuse words.  Ask Jon how many times he’s had to correct me from saying defunct when I mean debunked.
6. I would much rather be cold than hot.
7. Despite the fact that I don’t often sleep well at night, I never drink coffee…
8. …unless I occasionally splurge on a Peppermint mocha.  That’s the only form of coffee that I genuinely enjoy.
9. I have left-footed and right-footed socks and will go out of my way to make sure I never wear them on the wrong feet.
10. I strongly dislike the mall and nearly all things shopping-related…
11. …but I love Costco.
12. I am very picky about writing pens: the smaller the ball point, the better.
13. Even though I’m a pianist, I have not yet taught any of my spark plugs to play.
14. I feel a lot of internal guilt about point 13…
15. …until I remember everything else that I AM teaching them.
16. I have high aspirations of correcting point 13 this year.
17. I find minimalism and homesteading equally fascinating.
18. I like being a brown-eyed blond.
19. I like having a brown-eyed-blond spark plug.
20. I often feel as though I lead a vanilla existence…
21. …which is odd considering that I don’t care for vanilla.
22. I don’t consider point 20 to be a bad thing at all.  It’s the vanilla that helps the sprinkles shine more brightly.
23. I’m trying not to drink soda this year…
24. …but I’ve already had 1/2 a glass of Coke.  Oops.  (For the record, I prefer Pepsi.)
25. I wrote my first blog post ever on my 25th birthday…
26. …on my now-obsolete MySpace account.
27. I don’t remember what I wrote in it.
28. “The Boys In the Boat” and “Evidence Not Seen” are two of the best books I’ve ever read.
29. If it were up to me, I’d leave my Christmas tree up year-round.
30. I sing the tenor part in a Sweet Adelines quartet.  The high harmony line suits me.  (No, we don’t sing in public yet.)
31. Speaking up in public always seems like a good idea until I put my proverbial foot in my mouth.  (Happens every.single.time.)
32. I hope to teach my spark plugs a foreign language, which will be a big undertaking since I’m not bilingual.
33. I get tunnel vision and can’t function in large, noisy crowds.  This made for interesting meal times in college, where the brightly-colored carnival-themed decor only added to my overwhelm.
34. I’m a terrible cook, so Jon and I have been teaching ourselves better culinary technique thanks to Youtube.
35. And one to grow on:  someday, I want to keep bees.  (No judgment.  I know I’m weird.  Also, see point 17.)

Your turn:  What things make you unique?

Parenting In Light of Eternity

Parenting in light of eternity

“How 936 Pennies Will Forever Change the Way You Parent,” a thought-provoking blog post, floated around the Christian parenting sphere for a time.  I found it well worth the time I spent reading it.  The author made a great point:  we have approximately 936 weeks to spend with our babies before they turn 18.  Are we spending those pennies (weeks) wisely?

Something struck me as I read through the article, though, something I wish the writer had pointed out.

We aren’t promised 936 weeks.  We aren’t even promised tomorrow.

I know countless parents who have lost children long before the offspring’s 18th birthdays.  If putting 18 years into perspective by viewing them as a penny a week is intended to inspire us to better parenting, should we not also consider the fact that only the Lord knows the number of each one’s days?

Every day with our little ones is precious.  We’re not promised that we’ll have 18 years – or even 18 days – to parent them.  How would keeping this perspective change our parenting habits?

While I don’t want to waste time worrying about what the future holds, Scripture reminds us to number our days so that we may apply our hearts to wisdom (Ps. 90:12).  Next to marriage, I know of no other situation in life that requires wisdom more than child rearing!

If I knew that I only had, say, 12 years – or 624 pennies – to parent one of my spark plugs, what would I be doing differently than I currently am?  Would I change my approach?  My actions?  My responses?

I know that, for starters, I would want to spend more time with a child whose days were numbered.  I would want to be more patient, to be more creative, to do more reading aloud.  I would want to get down on the ground and push toy cars along a track.  I would want to spend time teaching him the truths of God’s Word, reminding him to place his confidence in the only One Who cared enough for him to die on a cross in his place.  I would want to take a million photos a day, trying to capture as many memories as possible.

If those are the things I would do if I knew that our time together was coming to a close, why am I not incorporating these things right now?  The fact is that I don’t know that my time is not limited.  I don’t know my own lifespan.  I don’t know those of my children, either.

While I am not at all worried about losing a child and am content to trust the future to the One who knows what lies ahead, I do think it a good thing to take time now and then to re-evaluate how I’m raising these spark plugs to see if I need to change my approach.

In some areas, I truly believe that Jon and I are doing well.  We daily spend time in God’s Word with the kids.  We pray for them every night, specifically that they will each grow up to love and serve the Lord.  I’m improving on spending individual time with each child and am attempting to quicken my response when one of them needs me.

There are many other areas where I have great room for improvement, and I know that as I work toward strengthening my weaknesses, I will invariably lose traction on my current strengths.  The pendulum of life simply swings back and forth, and I will never be able to do all things well this side of Heaven.  I’m perfectly okay with that.  I may not be able to impeccably execute my responsibility as a parent, but I know that the Holy Spirit is working in both me and my spark plugs and is filling out each of our weaknesses.  It is a beautiful testimony to His perfection.

I don’t know how many pennies each spark plug has left.  I’m thankful for the ones we’ve already spent together and pray that we have many more ahead.  I’ll keep praying for wisdom to raise them, reading and memorizing Scripture with them, and snapping pictures as often as I remember to take out the camera.

I don’t need to know the future.  I only need to be faithful for the days that I’m given with them, whether that’s 936 weeks or 936 seconds.

Your turn:  How has thinking about Eternity affected your parenting?  In what areas are you excelling?  In what areas are you hoping to improve?

Parenting in light of eternity

Windows: Glimpsing the Eternal

We often go walking as a family at night, and it’s one of my favorite evening activities.  Not only do I get to visit in depth with Jon and chat with the spark plugs, but I also get to glimpse through the front windows of some of the homes we pass.  For a brief moment, I witness an ornately decorated living room; a large wedding photo prominently displayed under a spotlight; the sparseness of a minimalist ideology.  I’ve long loved home layouts, floor plans, and interior design, so I find it fascinating to see how others keep their living quarters.

Much like those front windows give me a small look inside someone else’s lifestyle, the Biblical passages on Heaven give me a sneak peek of what Eternity will some day be like.  It sounds beautiful from the descriptions:  gates of pearl; foundation layers of gemstone; purest gold so refined that it appears like glass.

Sometimes, though, I don’t like thinking about Heaven because it seems so far away, so unlike this tangible reality here on Earth.  Earth is comfortable, knowable, seeable, and believable, or at least I’ve convinced myself that it is.  Although I enjoy looking through windows, I love coming home to my own house much more.  It’s where I belong.  Daydreaming about someone else’s decorating scheme is fun for a moment, but I forget about it the moment I cross the threshold of my own front door.

After weeks or months of the comforts of Earth, however, something inevitably happens to remind me to return to Heaven’s Windows.  A long night in the Emergency Room with Turbo is plenty to bring me back to the realization that what I call home here on Earth is merely a temporary stop-gap measure until I get to spend Eternity with the Savior.  In Heaven, there won’t be the stress of sickness, financial concerns, or sadness.  There will only be the wonderfulness of being in the presence of the Almighty.

Until the day that I enter Heaven’s rest, I need to keep visiting the Windows in the Word.  They draw me out of the mundane and pull my heart toward what is very much better:  to be with Christ for all of Eternity.

Your turn:  Are you waiting for Heaven?  What are you looking forward to most?  I’d love to hear!

Of Mites and Men

Just before Christmas last year, someone gave Jon a very expensive video game console.  Since we weren’t sure what we were going to give the kids, we kept the gaming system a secret, wrapped it up, and presented them with a very costly gift that we would not have been able to provide them with had we not been given it by someone else.  Jon and I were thrilled to be able to do this and exchanged knowing looks and winks in the days leading up to the 25th.

Around the same time, the kids started clamoring about what they were going to give us.  Soon, some oddly-wrapped boxes appeared under the tree with our names scrawled across the top in their handwriting.  I didn’t stop to think much about what was actually in the boxes.  The kids usually draw pictures for us on special occasions, and if I’m really truthful, I didn’t think that a few pencil scratches on a crumpled piece of lined paper could compare to the extravagant gift that we were reserving for them.

Christmas morning dawned with excitement, and we enjoyed a special homemade breakfast while we watched the Jesus movie, a tradition we’ve been doing for several years now.  When it came time to unwrap gifts, the kids were delighted with the video game set, just as we had anticipated.

What caught me off guard, however, were the little gifts that they had worked on so diligently for us.  In the first box (there were several), they had placed a small, heart-shaped pillow with the words, “I Love You” stitched on the front.  The pillow had come off of a hand-me-down stuffed red devil, of all things, that a sweet-but-misguided neighbor thought the kids would want.  I had assumed that the pillow had also made a departure when we had passed along the stuffed toy, but the kids had swiped it and saved it for just this moment.

In the next boxes, each of the spark plugs had given 2 dollars of their hard-earned money to Jon and me so that we could, in their words, use it toward our then-unfinished business app.  For children who receive a dollar a week, half of which they either contribute to their savings or toward giving, the thought of them willingly and excitedly giving us the equivalent of three-months-worth of their net income was incredibly humbling.

The last box contained the anticipated scribbles and pictures, but somehow after seeing their creativity and selflessness, they meant a lot more to me than I had originally expected them to.

While we eventually convinced them that we should use their precious gift to splurge on a family serving of frozen yogurt, a rare-but-loved-by-all treat in our family, this was one of my most treasured memories to date.  I had thought that our gift to them could never top their gift to us simply because ours had cost (someone else) a substantially greater financial sum.

I was very grateful to be wrong!

CSF Leak Diagnosis

“I have a CSF leak.”

When Jon came home from an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist one afternoon in July 2009 and said those words, I didn’t fully grasp the severity.  At the time of his diagnosis, I knew nothing about cerebro-spinal fluid leaks; in fact, I didn’t even know that CSF stood for cerebro-spinal fluid.  All I knew (because Jon told me) was that he needed surgery, and the sooner, the better.

After a very long and miserable surgery that August, I started researching CSF leaks to learn what, exactly, it was that Jon had.  Evidently, the brain and spinal chord are normally surrounded by a thick layer called the dura that protects these vital organs.  In addition to keeping the cushioning cerebro-spinal fluid around the nervous system where it belongs, it also creates a perfect pressurized chamber that the brain needs in order to function well.  For people like Jon, a hole develops somewhere along the dura, releasing spinal fluid and breaking the pressurized vacuum.  It also allows bacteria direct access to the brain or spinal chord and can result in meningitis and other serious health complications.

For years before his diagnosis, Jon had suffered from what we wrongly assumed was horrible allergies.  He already knew that antihistamines didn’t help at all, and he didn’t seem to get better or worse depending on the changing seasons.  Every few days, he would be wracked with headaches, burning eyes, and nasal congestion.  In 2009 after the birth of Little Princess, we met our out-of-pocket maximum with our health insurance, and Jon decided to get help with his “allergies.”

We were shocked to learn that, after three rounds of intense testing, he was allergic to nothing.  The allergist wrote him off as having “non-allergic rhinitis” and sent him home.  Unsatisfied with this non-answer to a very major issue, I got him an appointment with an ENT for a second opinion.  It was during this appointment that he first heard the term CSF leak, and a week later a CT scan confirmed his diagnosis of a spontaneous cranial cerebro-spinal fluid leak.

Jon’s CSF leak has caused him migraine-level headaches, breathing difficulty, and numerous other side effects.  Although his first surgery was successful in repairing the leak, the repair only lasted 18 months before it ruptured again.  He’s had more surgery and seen more doctors, but nothing has yielded a permanent fix yet.  We’re hopeful that someday he might be healed, but for now, it’s simply his “thorn sent to buffet him” that we have to live with.

Even so, simply knowing what it is that is causing his bizarre symptoms has in itself been a help.  We’ve connected with other CSF sufferers who not only sympathize with the often-debilitating effects but who are also a wealth of knowledge about specialists, procedures, education relating to CSF leaks.

This will be an ongoing journey for us, but we know that the Lord will use it for our good and His glory.

Update:  Want to know more about our CSF story?  You can find it in my new ebook, "A Place Prepared."  In it, I share about the struggles of a suffering spouse and how it's taught me more about God's design to be Jon's helpmeet.  You can grab your own copy right here!

Finding Beauty in the Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year.  I love everything about it:  the crisp morning air; the fresh start of the school year; the promise of the holidays just around the corner; and, yes, even Starbucks’ over-priced Pumpkin Spice Lattes (though I’d like to try this healthier, do-it-yourself version).  My dad once commented that October would be the perfect time for a wedding since the outdoor colors are dramatic, the weather isn’t too hot (the air conditioning died at my parents’ June wedding – in California’s Central Valley – so temperature is something he and Mom always think about now), and no major holidays are there to impede date setting.

While Jon and I didn’t get married in Autumn, I still think of it as the perfect season with its cool temperature and beautiful colors.

Part of me wonders, though, if the beauty that I see in Fall is actually a result of The Fall.

After all, isn’t the brilliant display of gold, amber, and crimson really the death of the leaf?  And if death did not enter the world until Adam sinned, it begs the question of whether or not we would have had the beautiful Autumnal colors that many of us eagerly wait for every year if The Fall had not occurred.

There is no human way to discern this, but it is something that I often think about.  It’s very possible that leaves would have changed color for a season and simply returned to their green peak of vibrancy without falling from the tree.  Yet, scholars theorize that seasons likely did not change until after the Flood, meaning that there would not have been cooler seasons to induce the amazing color-changing phenomenon that preempts Winter.

I think it’s quite possible that Fall is one of many ways in which the Creator has made something lovely from what was otherwise broken and ruined.  Perhaps He brought beauty from ashes once again by providing yet another instance of His creative genius despite the ruin that sin brought upon the world.  We still have death, and leaves still die and fall from their branches, but God allowed them to do so in a breathtaking way that only He could have thought up.

However Fall came to be – whether originally designed from the beginning of creation or added later after the tarnish of sin had left its mark – it will always be my favorite season.

Your turn:  Which season is your favorite and why?  Have you ever thought about what it might have been like before the Fall of Man?  Let me know in the comments.

Are You Waiting Well?

It’s time to let the cat out of the bag:  in just a few weeks, we’ll be exchanging our old mobile home for a new one!  This has been a long time in coming.  We first tossed around the idea back in January, but it wasn’t until June that we signed the official paperwork, and that only after months of praying, saving, and calculating the benefits and drawbacks of such a drastic change.

As I was packing, sorting, cleaning, and giving things away this week in anticipation of the trade-out, the stress started to get to me.  I know that this will be a good thing for us for many reasons, but moving is still difficult.  It finally dawned on me earlier today that I am not waiting well.

There are good things about waiting.  I honestly love my current home.  Despite its rundown appearance, there is much that I will miss.  Our separate living and family rooms, enormous front porch, and circular kitchen are all blessings that I won’t have in the new house.  I still have a few weeks left to enjoy them.  Waiting ensures that we’re not rushing into this decision and aren’t taking things lightly.  We have time to crunch numbers, think things through, and save up for moving costs.  And, though somewhat cliche, waiting gives me the opportunity to improve on my patience.

I struggle with waiting.  I’m not a patient person.  Contentment doesn’t come all that easily to me.  When I feel completely out of patience with something, there are a few things I’ve learned to do that greatly help change my attitude.

Pray.

When I’m frustrated, the first thing I try to remember to do is to pray.  As simple as this act may seem, it’s my go-to for absolutely every circumstance in life.  If I’m honest, I often underestimate the power of taking a few minutes to pray, but as I give over my grouchy feelings to the Lord, He is faithful to give me peace.  Even if He doesn’t act in the way that I hope or expect Him to, praying still is an amazing resource that we should never, ever overlook.

Be thankful.

While waiting for my new home, I’m trying to be thankful for the things I’ll have to give up, like my covered front porch and separate living spaces.  Finding things to be thankful for during seasons of waiting can be hard, but the effort it requires are well worth it.  When we purposefully search for things we can be thankful for, it shifts our mind-set from what we don’t have to what we do.

The shower, tub, and one of the two sinks in our master bath no longer work.  I can get irritated at the things that aren’t functioning (and trust me, it’s easy to do!), or I can choose to be thankful that we have two bathrooms, the other of which works fine aside from the overhead light (we just use a flashlight at night).  And while most other homes of this vintage have only a single master sink, we have two – so the one that doesn’t work isn’t nearly as big of an issue for us.

Change what you can.

There’s not much I can do to speed up the house exchange process.  Builders need time to build the new one, so I just need to be patient as I wait.  But I can proactively wait – I don’t have to sit here doing nothing.  While we’re waiting for the next step, we’ve been busily sorting and packing.  Part of my frustration has to do with our disorganized possessions, so during the packing process, I’m taking time to throw away broken items, donate unused things, and organizing what we intend to keep.  This has gone a long way toward keeping my mind off of the endless waiting all while producing the benefit of improved organization.

Make do with what you can’t.

I can’t add a third bedroom to this house, which is one of the biggest reasons we’re making the change.  We don’t have room in our second bedroom for all four of the spark plugs’ beds, but since we do have the separate living spaces that I like so well, we were able to section off a portion of the living room as a bedroom for Baby D.  It’s not perfect – we accidentally wake him up a lot since his room is not enclosed – but we’re making do.  We also use our big front porch as an outdoor play space for the spark plugs.  They love the fresh air; I love that they have another place to go to keep them out from under my feet.

Keep your eyes on the eternal.

Second only to praying over the issue, keeping my eyes on what really matters is the best thing I can do while I’m impatiently waiting.  Yes, the new house will be wonderful with its working plumbing, third bedroom, and mold-free walls, but in light of Eternity, we’re really just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.  The ride might be a little more comfy in the bigger house, but a new home is not a “be-all, end-all” goal.  I shouldn’t be striving for the new home; I should be focusing on living a Godly life until the Lord calls me Home to be with Him.  Houses and possessions pale in comparison to living forever with Christ!

Your turn:  What do you do when you’re in a season of waiting?  What things help you to pass the time and to keep a Biblical perspective when you’re in limbo?

Celiac Disease Diagnosis

Although I didn’t know anything about CSF leaks before Jon’s diagnosis in 2009 and didn’t know much about Type 1 Diabetes when Turbo was diagnosed in 2013, my experience with Celiac Disease was different.  Because Type 1 and Celiac Disease often accompany one another, it’s now common to test Type 1 diabetics automatically for Celiac Disease.  Thankfully, another mom whose son also has Type 1 gave me a heads-up about this automatic testing.  When Turbo’s blood work came back positive for Celiac Disease, I wasn’t as unprepared as I had been for our family’s previous diagnoses.

Since gluten-free diets have become a regular buzz word in today’s world, I knew what a gluten-free diet was, and I also knew it was used to treat Celiac Disease.  Although I still had a lot to learn about gluten-free eating and Celiac Disease, even knowing what they were was a good start.

However, mastering the art of gluten-free cooking in addition to carb counting and insulin administration seemed overwhelming.  As we’ve adjusted, though, it’s become clear that Celiac Disease may be one of Turbo’s biggest blessings in disguise.  High-carb meals cause uncontrollably-high blood sugar, but when we were forced to replace wheat flours with almond flour and nut butters (all low-carb options), we saw an instant improvement in Turbo’s diabetes control, so much so that I believe that he is actually healthier with Celiac Disease than he ever would have been without it!

I’ve never been a decent cook, so in a way, I think that having to learn to cook gluten-free was probably easier for me since I’d never really learned to cook well in the first place.  I didn’t have much to un-learn!  It’s rather funny that I now spend a large portion of my day creating, testing, or altering recipes to suit our family’s new way of eating.

If I ever discover or create something worthwhile, I’ll be sure to share it on the blog.  Until then, I’ll keep creating and hunting online for gluten-free, diabetic-friendly recipes.

Update:  We've now embraced a grain-free, dairy-free lifestyle for Turbo after learning that a strict gluten-free diet wasn't enough to overcome his celiac symptoms.  It's been a long journey, but we are hopeful that this new endeavor will help his digestive system heal and prevent the onset of any more autoimmune issues.

Day 31: Conclusion

Dear Little Princess,

I have enjoyed writing this 31-day series more than you’ll ever know.  I often felt as though my posts were poorly written, uninspiring, or redundant, but I chose to post them anyway, because I had set out to finish this difficult challenge.

There were many setbacks during this series.  We house-sat for Grammie and Papa.  Two nasty viruses hit.  We moved.  I accidentally left my computer at Gramma’s house the last week of the challenge and had to type posts on my phone, a borrowed tablet, and Daddy’s computer when I could sneak in a few minutes while he wasn’t using it.  I ran out of time to make pretty visuals for the last several posts, and I’m sure that there are many spelling and grammar mistakes thanks to autocorrecting on my phone.  (I’ll eventually go back and clean everything up once I get my computer back.)

Most frustrating to to me was that I seemed to give opposing advice in many of the posts, and the overall tone came across much darker and pessimistic than I wanted it to.  I really do love life and find great satisfaction and enjoyment in where the Lord has me right now.

All that aside, though, I know the Lord can use this series for your good and His glory. That’s why I finished it even though it wasn’t perfect.  I did it because I love you and because I want what’s best for you.  God can take all of my ramblings and turn them into something beautiful.

I love you, Little Princess, and if you get nothing else out of this series, know that I will never stop loving you or praying for you.  In conclusion, my heartfelt desire for you is that you learn what is good: to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8).

All my love,

Mommy

Day 30: Learn to be Gracious

Dear Little Princess,

One of my biggest struggles in life has been learning to be gracious.  Whether I’m talking to Daddy, you and the boys, or complete strangers, graciousness is not my natural response.  I would dearly love to have a soft answer and gracious reply, but it’s something that I am going to have to work at for the rest of my life.

I hope you can learn about graciousness from me – not from my good example, but from my poor one.  You know how frustrating it is when I am not sweet in my response to you.  You know that a kind word is so much better than a harsh one.  I know that, too, but all too often I get impatient and snap at people instead of speaking gently.

I am finding that the more I pray about and read about giving a soft answer, the more the Lord helps me.  When I get too busy to spend quality time cultivating graciousness, that’s when I really start to stumble.

I also struggle to be patient and kind with people who, in my mind, don’t deserve grace.  What I’m forgetting, though, is that none of us deserves God’s grace, and yet He gave us grace anyway.  When I remember that I am undeserving, I am better able to give gentleness to others.  The Holy Spirit helps me in this.

People today are less deserving than ever of God’s grace, but they are also in need of it more than ever before.  By showing grace when it is undeserved, you will be setting a beautiful example for others all while encouraging them to do the same.  You may even be giving a silent witness to the working of the Spirit in your life, and perhaps someone will come to know Christ as a result of your good conduct.

We can work together and pray for each other to be more gracious in our speech and conduct.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 29: Learn to be Adventurous

Dear Little a Princess,

I find it a little ironic that I don’t care for the flavor of vanilla, because I lead a very “vanilla” life.  I do the same things every day.  I order the same dishes when we eat out and rarely venture outside of my comfort zone.  I crave routine and sameness.  I’m happy in my simplicity, but I sometimes wonder what I’ve missed out on because I wasn’t brave enough to be adventurous and step out of my comfort zone.

Thankfully, you seem to be more adventurous than I am.  A little spontaneity is a good thing!  While I want you to be able to discern between being adventurous and being dangerous, I hope you are brave enough to try a new meal or activity.

Auntie Kay has certainly been willing to try new things.  Because of her boldness, she has gotten to visit Italy and Mexico.  She earned a challenging law degree and has gone on many weekend adventures.  (However, I’m not sure that her skydiving experience is something I want you to repeat.)  I love her adventurous spirit, and we both can learn a lot from her.

Certain seasons in life will be better suited to adventure than others.  Auntie Kay does not yet have a family of her own.  Now is the time for her to do her traveling and skydiving.  For me, I had got married and started a family very early in life.  Right now, it’s a good time for me to live my vanilla life.  Daddy, your brothers, and you need me to be stable and dependable, and a routine is just what we need.  If the Lord gives me more years after you are all grown up, perhaps I’ll be brave enough to order a brand-new entree or travel to Ireland.  For now, I’m happy being your mommy, and I’ll find my adventure in trying new ways to teach you and your brothers.  (I also cut my hair today for the first time in over four years, so I’m really living on the edge right now!)

So, Little Princess, if your life situation permits, be a little adventurous.  Enjoy some flavor in your life, and experience new things.  I think you’ll find that you love it.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 28: Find A Church Home

Dear Little Princess,

Finding a good church home is absolutely necessary for your walk with the Lord.  Daddy and I have tried to model faithfulness in church attendance for you and your brothers.  Serving the church body is a fantastic way to be the hands and feet of Jesus for other believers, and it also sets an example to the unsaved.  Even more than that, the Bible commands us not to neglect assembling together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25).

As good and necessary as church attendance is for spiritual growth, never forget that church attendance does not save you.  Nothing we do can ever earn our salvation, not even noble, biblical pursuits such as attending church or reading your Bible.  However, doing these things can lead you to salvation since both will tell you of Jesus’ sacrificial death and resurrection.  And for those already saved, hearing Scripture preached and reading Scripture for yourself can deepen your knowledge of God, it can enrich your faith, and it can encourage you to desire things of the Lord.

If you end up moving a lot in your adult life, finding a solid, Bible-believing church might be hard.  In that case, be as faithful as you can for the time the Lord gives you in a given area.  You can also listen to online sermons from a church you love.  This can offer continuity for the times when you will be between churches.

I truly hope, though, that the Lord will allow you to put down roots in one area and that you can find a church home where you can both grow and serve the Body of believers.  Serving in your local church, praying for the believers there, and learning and growing alongside your Christian brothers and sisters is a fantastic way to enjoy community and promote fellowship.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 27: Find A Mentor

Dear Little Princess,

I love this time while you’re little.  I get to teach you to read.  I get to share the Bible with you.  I get to see your eyes light up over a math concept that you’ve just mastered.  Shepherding you brings me so much joy.

As you grow older, though, I would encourage you to seek out an older lady in your church to mentor you further.  I will always be here to listen, help, and guide you as much as possible, but I’m not perfect and still have weak areas.  By getting input, advice, and encouragement from another trusted, Godly woman with some years of experience, you will be a much more rounded young lady.

More importantly, seeking an older woman’s counsel is Biblical (see Titus 2).  She’s experienced a little more of life than you have yet.  She can offer you Biblical counsel for your own spiritual growth, for Biblically responding to your husband, and for raising your children in a Godly manner.  She will spur you on to be more Christlike.

A Christian mentor can make all the difference in maintaining a welcoming atmosphere in your home.  And the best part is that the things you learn from her you can pass down to your own daughters.  I hope that I will do a good job of teaching you much of what she will teach you, but she may be able to show you different ways or say things in a way that helps them stick.

A believing mentor can also be a huge blessing if the Lord leads your family to a new location.  Moving away from friends and family has it’s challenges, to put it mildly.  Finding an anchor to advise you can help you ease into your new situation more quickly.

Of course, moving away from everyone you know won’t make finding a mentor easy.  In the mean time, I’ll only be a phone call away.  Another friend who relocated listened to online podcasts from a trusted older lady to fill in until she found an in-person mentor.  You may have to get creative, but  the Lord will help you to find something that works.

I look forward to watching you grow and branch out.  I hope and pray that, eventually, you will be the one to mentor other younger women.  What a blessing that would be!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 26: Develop A Love of Reading

Dear Little Princess, One of best gifts in life is the ability to read.  The world would be a lonely place without the companionship of books!  Reading can unlock worlds of imagination and untold amounts of information.  Developing an early love of reading is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Even when life gets busy, making reading a priority will pay off in big dividends.  Crystal Paine from MoneySavingMom.com shares how she makes time for reading no matter what season of life she's in.  Here are my recommendations for developing a love of reading:

Spend time reading every day.  Five minutes consistently is much better than a few haphazard reading marathons every couple of months.  I’d recommend starting your reading times with a passage of Scripture and then moving on to informative or pleasure reading.

Invest in a few quality books.  These either can be classics or newer writings on topics that appeal to you.  Purchasing used books in good condition is an excellent way to keep your book investment to a minimum while enjoying a varied library selection.

Although e-readers are quite popular now, I’ve found that I personally retain more when I read from physical, not digital, pages.  E-readers definitely have their place – they’re excellent to take to long appointments where you might need a variety of books but don’t have room to take a large stack of hard-bound books.

Place books around your home so that you have easy access to them.  Once you sit down to relax on the couch, you may opt not to get up to go get a book.  If one or two are already handy on the end table, though, you can sneak in a few minutes of leisure reading without any added effort.

If you want to get more involved in reading, book clubs can be wonderful.  I joined one a few years ago and loved meeting with the other ladies to discuss our chosen books.  Not only did the reading group get me out of the house a few times a month, it also encouraged me to actively read so that I would stay up with the group.  Additionally, I read books that I would not have chosen otherwise, and I discovered some new gems of literature.

A love of reading can greatly enrich your life.  There are no limits to what you can learn through books.  Maybe you’ll even want to become an author yourself some day!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 25: Learn to Forgive Yourself

Dear Little Princess,

In addition to forgiving others, you need to learn to forgive yourself.  Although not everyone has a hard time with forgiving themselves, this struggle is common enough that I wanted to address it.

It’s easy to fall into the unbiblical belief that we’ve sinned too greatly to be used by God or that God cannot or will not forgive us.  But I want you to know that nothing you can do or have done is too much for God to forgive.  Consider the example of the Apostle Paul.  He had Stephen killed; he persecuted followers of Christ; he was an evil man before he was saved.  Far from preventing God from using him, Paul’s former life kept him humble and enabled him to do mightily things for the furtherance of the gospel.

This doesn’t mean that you should go out and deliberately sin just so that you can relate to other people who have fallen into similar temptation (Paul addresses that issue in one of his letters to the Early Church), but it does mean that we serve an incredible God who not only forgives the most wretched sinner but Who can use our broken lives for our good and His glory.

If we cannot forgive ourselves, it means that we actually do not believe that God can or will forgive us.  It means that we have a too-small view of God’s power.  Chances are also good that we are dwelling too much on ourselves and our sin.  It’s good for us to think about and learn from our sins and mistakes, but dwelling excessively on them is actually a form of selfishness, because it means that we are thinking about ourselves the too much and about the Lord too little.

If you find yourself struggling to forgive yourself, Little Princess, start by praying.  Thank the Lord for His goodness.  Praise Him for His greatness.  Dwell on His mercy.  Read the Scripture passages on Christ’s death and resurrection.  Read about His tenderness toward the people to whom He ministered.  The more you focus on the Savior and the less you focus on yourself, the easier it will be to forgive yourself and to move on in your spiritual walk.

All my love,

Mommy