3 Free Ways to Nurture Your Marriage Today

Today, I want to ask a deeply personal question:

How is your marriage?

I mean, how is it really?

Are you happy with it the way it is, or do you long for it to be better?

Even if you have a fabulous marriage, I hope you still want it to improve.  Why?  I firmly believe that even the best marriage in the world can be better.  None of us is perfect, and as long as marriages consist of two imperfect people, there will always be room to grow.

But, what if your marriage is in shambles?  What if you're certain that there's no hope?  Well, here comes the exciting part:  as long as there is life, there is hope.  Hope for a marriage rescue boat.

Jon and I have been blessed with a really, really good marriage.  Not a perfect one, but by God's grace alone, our marriage has been rock solid even though our life together has been anything but.  Because I've been given the gift of a good marriage, I want you to be able to have the blessing of a good marriage, too.

Today, I want to share three free ways to nurture your marriage today, no matter how good - or not - your relationship with your spouse currently is.

Pray for your husband.

You're not surprised that this is top on my list, are you?  I'd venture to say that most Christian wives do pray for their husbands.  But are you like me, where you fire off so-called "Nehemiah" prayers - a quick "please watch over and bless him, Lord" before rushing about your day?

When was the last time you took time to set aside distractions and got down on your knees in deep, exhaustive prayer for your husband?  In truth, I'm not sure I've ever done this.  Lately, though, I've been feeling the Holy Spirit's convicting me that I need to start praying more fervently for him.  In preparation for this post today, I decided to try praying specifically and deliberately for Jon for 5 minutes.  I fell asleep half way through.  (At least I'm in good company, since the disciples couldn't stay awake with Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, but that doesn't make me feel any better about my poor praying ability.)

Despite this disastrous start, I'm not going to give up in deepening my prayers for Jon's and my marriage.  Clearly, this is going to take a good bit of effort on my part, but it will be a worthwhile endeavor.  Marriages are under constant attack, and we can never pray enough for our spouses and our marriages.

Prioritize him over your kids.

When your husband walks through the door at the end of the day, who is the first to greet him - you or the kids?  I once heard on the radio a wife who was miffed at her husband for being more excited about seeing their daughter than about seeing her.  The radio host asked a simple question:  "Who is more excited to see him, you or your daughter?  If your daughter is dropping everything to run up to him with squeals and delight while you finish stirring dinner on the stove before giving him a peck on the cheek, can you blame him for appearing to enjoy her more?"

Children are certainly a blessing, but if we don't prioritize our husbands over our kids, marriages can accidentally take a back seat to parenting.  God designed marriage before he included children, though, so following His order for families is a must.

This is another area where I personally need to improve, though I am doing better than I used to.  My spark plugs were constantly bombarding Jon the moment he walked in.  I finally told the kids they had to wait to hug Dad until I'd had my turn!  Jon now gets home earlier while the kids are still napping, so I try to have his lunch ready and to ask him about his day before going back to whatever project I was involved in before he arrived.

Become a good listener.

Is there something that your husband has been mentioning, something that he'd like done, that you could do to make his day easier?  Perhaps the toys in the hallway impede his walk, or maybe he's been wishing for you to make that amazing dessert again.  Learning to listen for these little cues and then following through on them when we can could make a world of impact on our marriages.

Jon has mentioned several times that the two things that bother him most about the house are crumbs on the kitchen floor and toys in the walkways.  The kids and I have worked at making toy pickup a routine before nap time so that when Jon gets home, there aren't usually toys to trip over.  But I haven't quite made sweeping the kitchen floor as big of a priority as I should.  My goal this summer is to get that integrated into our routine so that it happens automatically.

Doing these small things for our husbands shows that we're listening, that what matters to them also matters to us, and that we are actively working on serving them.  The hard part comes when we start doing these things and they go unnoticed.

Fervently praying for your husband, prioritizing him over the kids (and pets, I might add), and listening to the things he mentions are all wonderful ways to improve your marriage.  They are all things that don't depend at all on his contributions, and they're things that any wife in any situation can do since they don't cost anything other than time.

But what if your husband doesn't notice all the hard work and effort you're putting into your marriage?  What if you start doing these things and more but it doesn't seem to make any difference?

Even wonderful husbands don't always notice everything we do for them.  It isn't necessarily that they're being rude, but it can be hurtful to try your best to serve and please him only for him not to notice.  The key is to remember Who it is you're actually serving.  If you're trying to implement these ideas and suggestions in order to serve your husband, it's likely that, at some point, he won't notice and you'll be hurt.  But if you do them because doing so is serving the Lord, then it won't matter as much if/when your husband isn't fully aware of all the small things you're doing to help make his day run more smoothly.

Marriage is teamwork.  By doing what you can to improve your marriage and keeping your heart tender toward the Lord's leading, you can do much to improve your contributions to your marriage.  If your marriage is good, your actions may inspire your husband to reciprocate in kind.  If your marriage is in a rough spot, doing these things means you're doing what you can to ease the situation.

You can always nurture your marriage in one way or another, starting right now.  Let's strive together to improve our relationships with our husbands, whether those relationships are already fabulous or we're hoping that they will be some day.

May I challenge you?  Will you join me this week in 1) praying at length for your husband, 2) giving him priority, and 3) working at becoming a better listener?  If so, leave a comment letting me know that you're joining me this week in improving in these three areas!

New! Free Ebook: Hope for the Hallway

Do you have a bucket list? I didn't think I did, but last night I realized I do.  A few items on my "to-do" list include:

• Writing a book (and becoming a published author)
• Writing a companion guide for my spark plugs' math curriculum (the Life of Fred series is great but seems to be missing a few things)
• Running a half marathon (a full marathon just seems like too much of a time commitment right now)
• Traveling outside the United States (my top places to visit include Port Isaac and Ireland)

Well, I'm SUPER excited today, because last night, I finished writing my very first ebook:  Hope for the Hallway!  At just 16 pages (including the title page and table of contents), it's nothing earth-shattering, but I was over the moon at its completion.  And, as a big thank-you to everyone who reads my blog, I'd love to give you a copy of my new book!

Simply sign up using either the "subscribe" bar at the top, the side bar "subscribe" option, or the super-annoying popup that appears shortly after you open my blog page (I've set the parameters so that it'll only show up once a month, so if you've already clicked it closed, just use one of the other options).  Once you've subscribed, I'll automatically send you a welcome email with a pretty pink button at the bottom where you can download Hope for the Hallway.

How cool is that?  (Sorry, I'm still very new to all of this blogging technology, and the fact that I can upload a digital book to my blog, and then attach that book to an email so that my readers can download it, is pretty amazing to me.)

Thank you for being a loyal reader!

Your turn:  If you have a bucket list, what are some of the items on it?  What have you already accomplished?  If you don't have a bucket list, have you ever considered creating one?  Why or why not?

Save

When It's Obvious that God's At Work

I love John chapter 21.  The scene opens in the early morning light.  The crucifixion and resurrection have taken place, and the disciples have been out fishing all night without any catch to show for their efforts.  Jesus, standing on the bank, calls out to them and tells them to cast their nets over the side of the boat.

Now, if this had been me, I probably would have grumbled about having to try again after a fruitless fishing expedition.  I might have stubbornly refused to do it at all.  Thankfully, the disciples obeyed, even though they hadn't even realized that it was Jesus Who was asking them to do it (verse 4).

Their incredible yield from obeying the Lord resulted in 153 fish (verse 11).

Wow.

That's the power of God at work.

In verse 12, we learn that they didn't ask Jesus Who He was, because they knew it was the Lord.  They didn't recognize Him at first - whether due to the poor light or because they were too far out on the water or because their hearts were hardened, I'm not sure - but they knew exactly Who He was after He performed that miracle.

Sometimes, things occur in life that are so inexplicable in human or scientific terms that we know instantly that only God could have performed them. There is no doubt that He is the One orchestrating these events, and they leave us in greater awe of His majesty than ever before.

For me, the days and weeks following Jon's surgery come to mind. I thought I knew exactly how the Lord would choose to meet our needs while Jon took time off of work to recuperate. He had accrued a week's worth of paid vacation (so we thought), and the previous month had had an extra pay day. While the extra pay check from the earlier month was an enormous blessing, the paid vacation fell through.

Instead, the Lord graciously met our needs above and beyond what we could have imagined. My mom came to stay with us while Jon was in the hospital, and she brought with her ingredients for over a week's worth of meals. Other family and friends gave us gift cards (most at great personal sacrifice), brought meals, provided childcare, and helped out financially. I was amazed and humbled at the ways the Lord used so many people to bless and comfort us!

I also know there are times when it should be obvious that the Lord is behind something, but so often I fail to recognize His hand. Sometimes I'll later realize that He's been at work, but a lot of the time, I'm completely oblivious and never thank Him for His provision. For times like those, I can only ask forgiveness and pray that I'll become more sensitive to seeing the obvious.

Your turn:  Has there been a time in your life when you've clearly seen the Lord at work?  I'd love to hear your story.  Share in the comments!

Lessons from Laura: Managing A Healthy Lifestyle

Because of my family's health issues, I've started down the rabbit hole of living a healthy lifestyle.  While I find the subject extremely interesting and have learned a tremendous amount about whole foods, specialized exercise, essential oils, and natural cleaning, I'm realizing that it's very easy to go over the healthy living edge - to focus on it so determinedly that everything else in life falls by the wayside.

While I love what many healthy-living, whole-foods-minded bloggers write about, my favorite blog on the topic is Heavenly Homemakers by Laura Coppinger.  Laura understands that we need to live as healthfully as possible without becoming consumed by the healthy living movement.

There are several lessons I can learn from Laura!

1.  Choose Gratitude

Laura comes across as an extremely thankful person.  Her weekly Gratituesday posts, where she shares anything and everything she's thankful for, are one of my favorite aspects of her blog!

One thing she routinely thanks the Lord for is her family.  Laura and her husband Matt have four boys.  They don't have any daughters.  Now, I know from experience that having four children of any gender is enough to garner many incredulous onlookers in the grocery store, but when all four are boys, sentiments such as "too bad you didn't get a girl" are added to the already-annoying "wow, that's a lot of kids."

I've never, ever seen any resentment on Laura's part that she doesn't have a daughter.  Instead, she shares how her youngest saved Christmas; how eager she is to have daughers-in-law some day; and how wonderful it is that the family has Gladis, a little girl they sponsor from One Child Matters.

Rather than bemoan the fact that she has all boys, Laura has chosen gratitude and focuses on the beauty of having four sons.  I love that.

2.  Don't Obsess Over Healthy Living

Laura's journey toward better health is similar to many that I've read.  She understands the importance of wholesome, whole foods, but at the same time, she also realizes that there are times when eating freshly-prepared meals isn't always going to happen.  Are frozen pizzas healthy?  Not at all, but Laura shares how once in a while, store-bought pizza can have a place in a healthy homemaker's kitchen (unless you need to be gluten free - that's another discussion entirely).

There are going to be concessions and compromises in life, even for the most dedicated health nut out there.  We don't need to fall apart over the fact that we can't always eat everything organic or that convenience over nutrition will occasionally have to suffice when the family goes down for the count.  (For a related post on this topic, I thought that Stacey Makes Cents' post "Food is Not Your God" was an excellent read.)

3.  Be Honest

No one would have thought of Laura's healthy lifestyle to be anything other than a desire to treat her body as the Temple that it is, but Laura openly shared how she tried for years to do everything in her own strength.  And although I haven't yet read it, some day I'd love to get a copy of her book Oh, For Real! because I think it probably expands on this topic even more.  Her honesty about her try-hard way of doing things reminds me a lot of Emily Freeman's Grace For the Good Girl, another fantastic read about relying on the Spirit's help instead of one's own willpower.

A few more favorite posts from Heavenly Homemakers:

The Boy Who Saved Christmas

Every Good Cook Burns Herself Sometimes

Reading articles from devout health-conscious bloggers can be a great motivation for an improved healthy lifestyle, and those posts definitely have their time and place.  However, I've just found that I really resonate with the realistic approach of Heavenly Homemakers.  I'm still searching for that elusive balance between healthy living, financial stewardship, and time management, but I think Laura comes pretty close to finding a workable solution between those three!

Your turn:  Are you trying to live a healthy lifestyle?  What struggles and successes have you found along the way?  What are your favorite healthy living resources?

2 Parenting Hacks that Saved My Sanity

2 parenting hacks that saved my sanity

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“They must keep you very busy!”

“How do you manage with a family that size?”

Anyone with more than two children has undoubtedly heard these and other similar remarks.  As annoying as these comments might be, I honestly think that the people saying them are trying to encourage and empathize with the effort it takes to raise a large family.  And, occasionally, I think they also really want to know how those of us with large broods survive.

Since more than one parent has asked me how I’m managing with my four spark plugs, today I want to share two of my very best parenting hacks as well as strategies for implementing them.  These two things have had a dramatic impact on my ability to parent and have saved my sanity time and again.

Parenting Hack no. 1:  Don’t let your kids get up in the morning until you let them.

Now, before you write me off as a crazy parent and click away from this post, let me explain.  I need a lot of sleep.  Not only am I often up multiple times a night, I also need more sleep than the average adult in order to feel human.  When I get adequate sleep, I’m a much better wife and mom (just ask Jon and the kids if you need any convincing on this point).

So, when my oldest just naturally stayed in his room until I got him up each morning – something I can’t take any credit for since I never would have thought to teach him this – I quickly recognized the benefit of this happy accident.  I purposely taught each of the other children who came after him to follow suit.

Because they’ve learned to stay put in the mornings, if I need an extra fifteen minutes of sleep (okay, in full disclosure, I’ve even slept in for an extra hour once or twice after a really, really rough night), I can sleep longer without worrying that they’re going to tear through the house and destroy it or get into things that could harm them.

I’ve also heard moms say that no matter how early they get up, their kids somehow know and get up early with them.  If you feel as though you need a few minutes to read your Bible, have your coffee, and jot down the day’s to-do list, teaching your kids stay in their rooms until you’re ready for them to get up will go a long way toward this.

A word of caution:  a good friend of mine once mentioned that when she got up before her kids, she started coveting that quiet time so much that she began to resent the time she had to go get the kids up for the day.  I’ve had to be very careful not to fall into this temptation myself.

Why this works for us:

We’ve made each of the kids’ rooms childproof.  All of our bedrooms are close together, too, so if the spark plugs need me, I can hear them.  (For those with spaced-out bedrooms, an old baby monitor can work.)

We used to have a bathroom connected to the kids’ room, so they were able to use the facilities as needed.  Now that we no longer have that setup, they’re free to leave their rooms for such purposes; they just go back into their rooms once finished.

Each room has a half-high bookshelf and a toy organization system to keep busy hands and minds occupied.  For our school-aged children, they can get a jump start on their lessons for the day if they want to.  They’re usually only too happy to do this; an earlier start means an earlier finish!

How to implement this: 

• Start slowly.  If your little ones are used to bursting through the doors at 5am, retraining them to stay put until you get them up is going to take some adjustment.  I’m pretty sure you’ll be met with resistance, especially at first.
• Be firm.  If this suggestion is a good fit for your family, don’t let your kids’ initial resistance cause you to give in.  Be patient and give it a good 3-month trial before you decide whether or not this is worth the effort.
• Make it fun.  Choose some toys or activities that they can only do during these initial morning minutes between the time they wake up and the time you get them out of their rooms.

Parenting Hack no. 2:  Have all of your children (even your highschoolers!) nap every day.

Before I became a mom, I thought children willingly and easily napped and that when they were tired, they’d just fall asleep wherever they happened to be.  Imagine my surprise when my 2-mont-old didn’t slip into a nice napping schedule.  Confused, I called my mother-in-law to ask her advice.

“It’s funny,” she told me, “but I’ve learned that if you want kids to nap, even infants, you have to physically put them in bed at the times you want them to sleep.  They don’t really fall asleep just anywhere.” She also shared something else that day.  “Another thing I always did with my kids was to have all of them, even my high schoolers, nap for an hour every afternoon.  They didn’t have to sleep, but they did have to go into their rooms with a book or quiet project for a little while every day.  It saved my sanity.”

This was news to me, but since she’d raised 6 kids, I figured she knew what she was talking about and decided to try a more planned-out napping routine.

It worked.

Not only did my little guy develop a fantastic napping schedule, but 11 years later, all of my kids still have nap/rest time every day.  This brilliant parenting hack has been one of the best pieces of child-rearing advice I’ve ever received, and it’s one I try to pass on to everyone who asks me for parenting advice.

Why this works for us:

I’m an introvert, and with a noisy household, I need some alone time each day.  With our daily afternoon nap time in place, I get some much-needed moments of quiet to finish up anything I didn’t get to first thing in the morning; to do my Bible reading; and to work on projects like budgeting and writing.

I’ve also noticed a change in behavior from my kids when they don’t get this rest time.  They seem grumpier and much more likely to want to veg in front of the television, which isn’t my idea of time well spent.  Giving them their own down time has been as good for them as it has for me.

Because I get some time to think and process most days, I rarely feel burned out.  I don’t long for a weekend away or feel like throwing in the homeschooling towel.  Since a Mommy-only weekend and public/private school are notoptions for us, it’s important for me to find ways to refuel in little bursts so that I don’t grow desperate for something that doesn’t work for our family.

How to implement this:

• Again, start slowly.  If you have older kids who absolutely balk at the idea, aim for just 15 minutes of rest time at first.  You can then increase the time until you reach an hour or so.  For those kids who don’t sleep well at night after a nap, you can try shortening the nap time or moving it earlier in the day.

• Be consistent.  Nap time interruptions will happen, but try to limit them as much as possible.  If you have frequent afternoon outings, see if you can reschedule them so that you have a free hour or so right after lunch for rest time.  If that’s not possible, aim for a nap time on the days you’re home.  3 rests a week will still be more helpful than none at all!
• Be flexible.  If you get an incredible opportunity to tour your town’s underwater basket weaving competition at 2:30 in the afternoon, don’t forego the field trip just because it will interrupt your quiet time.  Simply make sure that the day before and after the event have some scheduled rest time to compensate.

Note:  While there are probably a few toddlers who truly get enough rest during night hours alone, my own personal thoughts are that the majority of children should be taking legitimate naps until around age 5.  Just because a 3-year-old doesn’t want a nap or seems to function without one doesn’t mean that a nap isn’t good for him. 

So, there you have them:  teaching children to stay in their rooms until you get them up and taking daily naps, my two best parenting hacks.  While neither of these may be very popular today, our entire day runs more smoothly because of them.  I’ve seen improved behavior in both myself and my spark plugs, and these are what I recommend to moms who want to gain some balanced control and structure in their family’s schedule.

Your turn:  What is your best parenting hack?  What do you do to help your day run better?  Would you ever try one of my two suggestions here?  Why or why not?

2 parenting hacks that saved my sanity

When You Feel Stuck on Hold

Last week, I spent an hour and 22 minutes on the phone trying to sort out a large medical bill only to learn that there was no way we could lower it any further.  I often encounter situations like this; when you have several chronically-ill family members, there’s simply no avoiding days that are spent on the phone, usually on hold.

It’s frustrating.

Although I try to put my phone on speaker and fold some laundry while I wait, there simply aren’t that many things that I can do while passing the time.  Vacuuming is too loud – I can’t hear the phone to know when someone on the other end picks up.  The same thing is true of washing dishes.  I can’t even read to the spark plugs over the static-y din of the obnoxious hold music.  (Props to GoDaddy for now offering the option to wait in silence.)  Folding laundry and cleaning out my purse are the only two chores I’ve been able to accomplish well while on the phone.

When all is said and done, on these days that are spent waiting for someone to answer on the other end, I feel as though my precious hours have been wasted.  Even though these phone calls must be dealt with just as much as cleaning and teaching, there is no tangible evidence that I’ve accomplished anything at all.  Little minds have not grown wiser; the house has not become cleaner; and I often don’t even come away with a reduced bill to show for my efforts.

I’m tempted to wonder why I even bother at all.

There are definite reasons that I persist at the awful telephone game.  First of all, some calls are absolute requirements, like scheduling appointments and ordering medical supplies.  Secondly, I do get bills reduced often enough that it warrants the time spent to try.

It’s in those rare bill-slashing moments that I realize that the effort has been worth it after all.  The waiting isn’t fun; the time spent is agonizing; but the reduced payments are a huge blessing.

Last week, I suddenly saw yet another parallel between my physical and spiritual life.

Sometimes the Lord asks us to do hard things, things that seem – on the surface – to eat up all of our precious minutes without showing much of a return in the end.  Perhaps you’ve spent years praying for an unsaved spouse or child.  Maybe you’ve had to walk a completely different road than you thought you’d wanted in life.  Or possibly the Lord has called you to do something day in and day out that doesn’t appear to be bearing any fruit.

The thing is, we never know when that hoped-for result will come.  We may not even see the result of our efforts in our lifetime.  But if we’re consistent in doing what He’s called us to do, it doesn’t matter.  We are called to be faithful, not to achieve results.  Sometimes, He may see fit to let us see a tangible difference from our efforts, like when an insurance agency agrees to cover more of the total cost or when a hospital agrees to charge us less.  Other times, He might let another build on the foundation we’ve laid, like with someone to whom we’ve been witnessing for years doesn’t come to Christ until another person presents the Gospel to him again.

My point is this:  nothing we do for the sake of the Gospel is in vain.  We won’t know until Heaven just how much of an impact we will have had on the world, and that’s perfectly okay.  We simply need to keep on making those spiritual “phone calls,” even the ones that disrupt our day and offer no physical evidence of accomplishment.  It is up to the Lord to bring about the fruit in His perfect timing.

Your turn: Are you faithfully doing the tasks that the Lord has given you, especially the ones that aren’t yet bearing fruit?  How do you keep going even when it appears that it’s all for naught?

4 Ways Failure Can Become Your Key to Success

Devastated, I stared at my quiz score.  Never before had I ever failed an exam of any kind (with the exception of my driver’s test, but that’s a story for another day).  It’s okay, I told myself.  It’s my first week here at college.  I’ll do better next time.  But the following week’s quiz resulted in an even worse grade.

What I hadn’t understood until that second failed quiz was that the reading assignment for each week’s lecture was due before the lecture, not after.  This was completely backward from high school, where my mom taught us the lessons and then had us follow up with the reading assignments.  I learned the hard way that at college – or, at least at the college I attended – the reverse was true.

It was really humbling to fail the first two quizzes of my college career…and in English class, of all places.  I never thought of myself as an exceptional student, but English grammar was one area where I usually did well.  I worried that if I couldn’t even pass English, I would certainly fail in all my other classes.

Of course, once I figured out what I was doing wrong and corrected it, things went much more smoothly, and I ended up graduating a semester early with a respectable GPA.

From this experience, I learned four things about failure that have helped me better appreciate its place in my life.

Failure of some kind is inevitable.

I don’t know anyone who enjoys failure, but everyone has failed at something at one time or another.  It’s a natural part of life, and, if we let it, failure can become a fantastic teacher.  Although I didn’t know it back in college, those first two failed quizzes taught me persevering despite failing.

Failure can be either our foe or our friend.

We have to decide if we’re going to run from failure or learn from it.  In college, since I was stranded 3,000 miles away from home with no transportation, running from my failure wasn’t an option.  So, I figured out the problem, corrected it, and learned from it.

Failure can push us to do greater things.

When I failed those college quizzes, it motivated me to study more diligently and to make sure I’d done my homework in the appropriate order so that I had already covered the material I would be tested on.  If I’d found college work to be easy, I might not have studied as hard or learned as much as I did.

Failure can help us make better choices.

Because I started off that English class with poor quiz scores, it forced me to be diligent to study well so that my overall class grade wouldn't suffer.  I chose to study over spending time in leisure activities.  In the end, that rough start probably caused me to do better in that class than I would have done simply because I was motivate to develop good study habits from there on out.

I don’t know that any of us will ever love failing at things.  But since we know it will happen – probably many times! – at some point in life, we can keep a good perspective and use it to our advantage and thus causing failure to become the key that brings us success in other areas.  If we choose to accept it, learn from it, be motivated by it, and be bettered as a result of it, we can transform something bad into a blessing.

It’s yet another way that the Lord can bring forth beauty from ashes.

Your turn:  Have you experienced failure?  If so, in what form?  What did you learn from it?  How did it change you for the better?  Share in the comments section below!  I’d love to hear your story.

When You Have to Work but Want to Stay Home

For the first 10 years of our marriage, I worked part time first as a church secretary and then as a piano teacher to supplement Jon's income.  I found both jobs enjoyable and appreciated each of them, and by carefully planning my schedule, we never had to pay for childcare.  Even so, I would have greatly preferred to be home full time.  Between the fact that I’m a complete introvert and that I believe a woman’s primary ministry is in her home (though, of course, her home is not her only ministry!), I didn’t like having to leave my husband and little ones in order to work.

I spent long evenings teaching music in my students’ homes, often waging through horrendous traffic just to give a 30-minute lesson before struggling through more jammed freeways to reach the next student.  I taught through multiple rounds of morning sickness, which only added to my misery.  I taught at odd hours to accommodate my students’ scheduling needs.  And although most of my piano families were wonderful, I had that inevitable student who would call to cancel 5 minutes before lesson time.  The worst lesson I ever endured was the time I showed up to a student’s home only to discover that although her entire family had the stomach flu, she still wanted a lesson.  The Pepto Bismol on the counter mocked me as I tried to hold my breath and avoided touching the piano keys.

When the Lord provided a job for Jon that fully met our financial needs, I was over the moon at the fact that I could stop working.  It wasn’t that I disliked my job, but the stress that it placed on both me and my family was a burden I gladly surrendered at the earliest opportunity.  I was truly sorry to say goodbye to my current students – they were some of the best I’d had in all my years of teaching – but the first night I didn’t have to leave Jon and the spark plugs felt like Christmas.

Over the years, I’ve met other amazing ladies who also have to work but are waiting for the day when they can be home with their families.  My heart goes out to them, because I can well relate.  And many of them have been working far, far longer than I ever did at jobs that aren’t as easy and high-paying as mine were.  I wish I could promise them that tomorrow they’ll be able to quit their jobs, that the end is almost in sight.  But, of course, I can’t do that.

What I might be able to do, though, is to offer some encouragement, share what helped me get through my jobs, and express what I wished I had done while I worked.

(Note:  Truthfully, I feel a little timid about sharing my thoughts when so many amazing women have had much longer, more difficult positions and situations than I ever had.  I mean, I worked as a church secretary where I interacted daily with friends, and if I had to work outside the home, there isn’t much that’s more rewarding than teaching.  I greatly admire these ladies who have a much tougher time than I ever have.)

1.  Pray for Contentment

My number one go-to problem-solving method is prayer.  No matter what the issue at hand, I try to pray first and foremost, and I always ask my close-knit prayer group to pray as well.  One thing that I didn’t do much of when I was working, though, was praying for contentment.  I prayed for a better job for Jon; for my students to remember to pay their tuition fees; and for the kids to be good for Jon while I was away.  Had I also prayed for contentment during that time, I might have handled the strain with much greater grace than I did.

2.  Remember that your desire to be at home is Biblical

I never once felt guilty for wanting to be free of my jobs.  I was confident that taking care of my family and my home was of utmost importance to the Lord, and therefore, desiring to be home with them was a good thing.  The world tries to convey the idea that a woman without an outside source of income is incomplete, but the Bible places greatest importance on serving our husbands and ministering to our families.  We should never think that the desire to be at home is out of place.

3.  Understand that life is not perfect

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn thus far is that life isn’t perfect.  While we are to aspire to the Biblical model of the husband providing for his family while his wife manages the home, situations of sin, illness, injury, and death can all contribute to the demise of this beautiful arrangement.  Single moms, widows, and women whose husbands have been disabled all have to fill the role of provider in addition to their call to manage their homes.  I am so thankful that while life on Earth will never be the way we wish, we as believers do have the hope of Heaven where things will be just as God had originally planned.

4.  Consider how your husband feels

It took me several years to realize that my having to work was probably harder on Jon than it was even for me.  It can be extremely humbling for a husband who either cannot work or cannot find a job that pays well enough to meet his family’s needs.  Looking back, I can see that Jon really needed me to be more understanding and supportive while he couldn’t provide the way he felt he should.  I was so tired and worn out from working at night after shepherding spark plugs all day that I didn’t encourage him enough.  If I had it to do all over again, I would want to focus more on encouraging him when he felt frustrated that I had to work.

5.  Pray for a change of circumstances, but be thankful if they don’t

We’re told to ask the Lord in faith for things.  Since we know that staying home as stewards of our families and houses is Biblical, we can ask for a change of situation that would permit us to do so.  Since we also know that the Lord’s ways are not ours and that His timing is often not what we expect, we need to remember to be thankful even if He decides that we need to continue working for a while longer.  Most of all, we can focus on the glory of Heaven, where things of this Earth will pass away and we will live forever with Christ and in the perfection that will be there.

Working from home or outside the home can be very difficult.  We don’t know at what time, if ever, circumstances will change.  We can still choose to be joyful; we can still opt to submit to our own husbands; and we can continue to hunger for the perfection of Heaven some day, no matter what our present situation is on Earth.  As believers, we always have hope.  Whether we work for 6 days, 6 months, or 60 years, we need to remember that this truly is temporal when compared to the infinite days of Eternity.

Your turn:  Do you work or have you worked, either at home or away from your family?  What things encourage you along the way?  What do you wish you had done differently?  What words of wisdom would you offer to someone else who has to work but wishes she did not?

Spiritual Spaghetti

I miss pasta.  It’s one of my all-time favorite foods, but we don’t eat it at home much anymore.  Turbo’s Celiac Disease prohibits him from wheat pasta, and although tasty gluten-free noodle options now exist, they tend to be a blood sugar nightmare.  It’s simply easier to eat some chicken and steamed veggies instead of trying to make pasta dishes work for our family.

Last night, however, we had spaghetti for dinner.  I’d really been missing my beloved pasta, and when I found Angel Hair on sale last week, I bought some both to indulge my craving and to supplement our food budget with a cheap meal.  Paired with Classico-brand sauce (gluten free and no sugar added, all for a decent price – score on multiple accounts!) and a side of cauliflower, all I had to do to make it suitable for Turbo was to steam a spaghetti squash for some Celiac/Diabetes-friendly “noodles.”

It was a huge hit.  From the beaver-cheeked smiles and multiple compliments from the spark plugs, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had been missing an Italian-inspired meal.

As easy as spaghetti is supposed to be, though, ours wasn’t.

It may seem like an easy thing to keep separate utensils and dishes to prevent gluten contamination, but I find it difficult.  Multiple times I caught myself about to stir the squash noodles with the wheat noodle spoon.  I had to dig out my spare pair of tongs for dishing out the various meals.  Even cleanup was no simple matter; what if I scrubbed out the pasta pot first and then washed the other pans?  Would the scrubber cross-contaminate the other items?  I’ve really no idea.

As tasty and refreshingly different as the spaghetti was, I have to wonder whether or not it’s truly the best meal for us.  While there’s nothing wrong with serving it, we have to be extremely cautious, and that detracts from the ease of preparation.  And what if I’d actually contaminated something?  We would’ve had to start the cooking process over, I suppose.

I began to wonder how many things we do in life that are not truly harmful but could easily lead down a path we shouldn’t go down – things that, at first, appear to be a fun idea but which take us dangerously close to becoming involved in something we as believers should have no part of.  I’m sure there are many.

Our spaghetti experience likely won’t keep me from preparing it on occasion, but I will take extra precautions before serving it again.  Truthfully, I really should simply serve all of us the squash noodles and thus avoid the possibility of contamination all together.  If only there were such a simple fix in our spiritual lives so that we could enjoy the “pasta” without threat of falling into temptation!

Your turn:  Have you ever found yourself in a spiritually-dangerous situation?  How did you handle it?  What would you do differently in the future to prevent the same thing from happening again?

A Damaged Diamond and A Perfect Promise

Last week, I smashed my diamond wedding ring in the folds of Baby D’s heavy stroller.  Expecting the worst, I checked for damage, and sure enough, I’d bent one of the prongs on my large diamond. (Although difficult to see in the above photo, the lower left prong is out of place and isn’t even touching the diamond.  You can click on the picture to see a close-up view.)  This is actually the third time that I’ve wrecked my ring, and I was frustrated that I’d been careless with it once again.  The incident reminded me of a post I wrote years ago on an old blog, so I decided to repost it here.

I’m not a showy person, so I never really anticipated owning an extravagant ring. A simple, small diamond on a plain gold band was all I ever hoped to have. Imagine my surprise when, after proposing, Jon presented me with a brilliant-cut half-carat diamond set in an ornately-designed band! It was absolutely stunning, and I felt beyond treasured that he would give me such a lovely gift.

I never take my ring off, and one day I inevitably whacked it against the wall when running after one of the boys. In doing so, I visibly bent one of the setting’s prongs. I took it in to be repaired, and the jeweler told me that not only was the prong bent, but I had actually chipped my very precious diamond. There really wasn’t much to be done for the diamond, but once the prong was repaired, it completely covered the diamond’s damage and the ring now appears as perfect as it was when I first received it.

After relaying this story to friend, she asked, “Why didn’t you have the ring insured? You could have had the diamond replaced.” Even if we’d insured the ring and had the option of replacing the damaged diamond, I don’t think I would have chosen to do that. While the ring is beautiful, it’s the promise behind it that gives it value. Jon gave me the ring with this promise: “I will be committed to you for as long as we both shall live. Nothing will cause me to break that promise.” This ring, its imperfections and all, symbolizes that promise for me. I don’t really care that its original monetary worth has been significantly reduced; the promise behind it has not.

In a way, my ring also reminds me of the promise of salvation. I am a broken diamond, chipped beyond repair. But God in His mercy covered me with the blood of the Lamb, just as the new prong covers the chip in my ring’s diamond. He no longer sees the broken me, but instead, He sees the righteousness of His Son covering my brokenness. My imperfections will never cause Him to remove my salvation, just as my broken ring does not annul Jon’s commitment to me.

A new diamond might have greater monetary value, but my imperfect one is much more dear than any replacement could be.

All fixed – for the third time.  And I’m guessing this won’t be the last, either.

That First Cup of Coffee: Lessons Learned from Bootstrapping A Business

“You can never un-sell a bad first cup of coffee.”

When my husband Jon and I began our business, the above thought was never far from my mind.  In my hometown, a new coffee shop closed its doors after a dismally-short operation.  I later learned that the company had initially sold a poor-quality coffee.  Despite switching to a better brand, it never recovered from the first bad reputation, and so my “first cup of coffee” philosophy was born.

Jon’s and my business venture was slated to launch several months before its actual release date.  The delays were discouraging, but more than anything else, we wanted to avoid presenting a low-quality product riddled with frustrating bugs that would permanently chase away potential clientele.  As hard as it was to wait, I’m thankful that we did.  We now have a product to be proud of, and we came away with several good lessons about starting a business that we likely would have missed otherwise.

Starting a business takes hard work, patience, and more hard work.

Our greatest underestimation when we stared out was just how much time, energy, and patience our project would require.  Bootstrapping a business (starting a business without any capital or investors) is not for the faint of heart.  Over and over again, Jon and I had to encourage one another to keep going.

It’s good to plan, but plan in sand instead of stone.

We originally set high stakes for our business.  We wanted to launch it in under two years, and we wanted to do so with 3 times the amount of content that we actually launched with.  We didn’t make either of these goals.  Was it wrong to set such lofty ideals?  Not at all!  Had we not set them, we never would have launched in the time we did with the amount of content we did.

Crystal Payne, owner of MoneySavingMom.com and author of Money Making Mom, is a huge proponent of goal setting.  I’ve been following her blog for several years, and much of my business savvy I owe to her encouragement and teaching.  So, when Jon wanted to start out setting monthly business goals, I was all for it!

Setting goals has been extremely helpful for us.  Although goal-setting can also make us frustrated when we don’t make our benchmarks, over all, we’ve made it much farther down this entrepreneurial journey than we would have without planning.

Bootstrapping might take longer initially, but the end result is worth the headache.

With little financial resources and no desire to take out loans for our business, “bootstrapping” was our only option.   We worked with what we had on the budget we could afford.  Many months, we had no money to put toward our startup and could only give it our precious time.

At the same time that we were launching our bootstrapped business, Jon was working for a startup that had received funds from venture capitalists.  We had the unusual privilege of comparing the two different methods for starting a business.  As difficult as it was to wait and save up funds little by little, we wouldn’t trade the freedom of a debt-free business for anything else.  While we’re completely free to do as we think best with our business, the startup that Jon works for during the day has to follow the whims of the investors.

Bootstrapping is definitely not the main-stream recommended method, but Jon and I are happy to suggest an alternative to the debt, fees, and restrictions generally associated with business loans.  You simply can’t place a price on financial freedom.

Not all businesses will be successful, but neither can complete success be measured in dollars or number of users.

No one knows whether or not a business will flourish or fail, but hopefully life lessons will be learned along the way that more than make up for any financial floundering.  If our app goes nowhere, we can take away the above lessons and feel that we’ve been successful in our endeavors.  And if it does take off as we hope it does, well, that’s simply cream for an already-tasty cuppa Joe.

Your turn:  Have you ever started a business, or do you hope to start one someday?  What lessons have you learned, either from your own experience or from watching others?  Tomorrow, I’ll share about a wonderful new resource for anyone wanting to learn more about starting a business!

When My Prayer Life Resembles A 2-Year-Old's Antics

“Mommy, NEED milk!”

“Mommy, NEED cashews!”

“Mommy, NEED down!”

No matter how promptly I try to attend to Baby D’s needs at the dining table, he’s always a step ahead of me, telling me what he thinks he needs and how to do things.  As amusing as it is at first – aren’t all two-year-olds absolutely adorable even if they’re being bratty? – it quickly becomes obnoxious.  I want to throw my hands in the air, exasperated, and ask him, “After more than 11 years of parenting, don’t you trust me to take care of you?”

And in those moments, I suddenly hear myself in Baby D’s exclamations.

“Lord, I NEED the kids to be healthy!”

“Lord, we NEED Turbo’s blood sugar to come back down!”

“Lord, I NEED wisdom!”

On and on goes my list.

I can only imagine that He, after having existed from Eternity Past and having spoken the world into being from nothing, feels like saying to me, “Don’t you realize that I’ve cared for you since before you were born?  Didn’t I redeem you with the blood of My own Son?  Don’t you know that I know your needs – and how I plan to provide for them – before you’re ever aware of them?”

I’ve been feeling extra “needy” lately, and my prayer life reflects it with all of my requests for one thing or another.  I don’t feel bad about asking for anything of the Lord.  After all, we’re commanded to come boldly before the Throne for mercy and grace in our time of need (see Hebrews 4:16), and my requests are legitimate.  I ask for wisdom, for health, for the salvation of a friend or family member, for peace for someone who’s struggling, etc.  But I’ve also been convicted to take time to worship the Lord in prayer, to acknowledge His goodness, strength, mercy, and love before simply diving in with my to-do list of necessities.

Many days after enduring D’s demands, he’ll run up to me out of the blue, give me a kiss, and just as quickly return to playing again.  I love those moments.  I would guess that my Heavenly Father loves to be honored in a similar way.  While He doesn’t need the pitiful bit of praise I can offer Him, He does take delight in it just the way I delight in D’s unsolicited affection.

So, as often as I can remember, I try to praise and thank Him before diving into my list of requests (praying through some of the Psalms is a great way to do this).  And I also try to thank Him afterward for answering my prayers, whether or not He’s chosen to answer them in the way that I’d hoped.

Truthfully, remembering these other elements when praying doesn’t come naturally to me.  I like to pray Nehemiah prayers (quick prayers right on the spot) and move on to the next item on my agenda for the day.  Worshiping the Lord by savoring my time spent in prayer with Him is outside of my comfort zone, but the more I do so, the more I’m learning to deepen my prayer life.  It’s not perfect, but I am growing.  And that’s exciting to me.

There will always be times when Nehemiah prayers are perfectly acceptable, but I am welcoming this new challenge to truly spend time in prayer with the Savior as much as I am able.  I still need wisdom; still need better blood sugar control; and still need health for my family, but my new approach to prayer is deepening my faith and growing my trust in a perfectly-trust-able God.  Although I am doing it because I feel that it is honoring to Him, I am gaining equal benefit on my part, too.

Your turn:  Do you spend time praising the Lord when you pray?  What has helped you to enrich your prayer life?

When God Chooses Not to Heal

I strongly believe in the power of prayer.  I know that God can, and often does, the impossible.  When He chooses to work in ways that are clearly miraculous, it bolsters my faith and increases my trust in Him.

But what about the times that He chooses NOT to heal?

Shortly after Turbo was diagnosed and we were told that there was no cure for Type 1 Diabetes, I started hearing reports on rare cases of T1D being cured through diet and lifestyle.  Both intrigued and skeptical, I started researching the possibility. 

What I found was both encouraging and confusing.  To the best of my untrained understanding, there have been a few instances of people reversing Type 1 Diabetes*.  There are reports of curing Type 1 through an alkaline diet, a ketogenic diet, a gluten-free diet, the GAPS diet, a raw/vegan diet, and the Paleo diet.  Oddly enough, many of these specific eating regimens seem to completely conflict with one another (for example, the Paleo diet is heavily animal-protein-based, while a raw/vegan diet contains no animal products at all).  But some of the key similarities are low-carb/starch foods, the use of whole, unprocessed foods, and gluten-free foods.

(*Note:  I want to point out that many of the supposedly-cured patients likely were experiencing what is called the “honeymoon” phase of diabetes, where – for reasons not yet determined by science – the patient’s own pancreas produces adequate amounts of insulin for a time shortly following diagnosis, often resulting in the patient’s need to discontinue insulin shots for a while.)

Because of these claims about reversing Type 1 Diabetes (and I do believe that for a very few Type 1 diabetics, this has really happened), we have been experimenting with various diets for Turbo.  We took him to a certified nutritionist who specializes in reversing autoimmune disorders, including Type 1 Diabetes.  We’ve tried supplements.  And we’ve prayed.  A lot.  Many, many other people have been praying, too.

But despite the fact that our dietary choices have definitely helped us to better manage his blood sugar and have ultimately helped him to lead a healthier life, he still has diabetes.  There has never been a single day since his diagnosis that he’s not needed insulin injections.

Why didn’t the Lord choose to heal him through diet as He has for others?  Is it a lack of faith on our part?  Does God enjoy seeing His children suffer?

I certainly can’t pretend to know why God chooses to do what He does, but I know that He delights in caring for us and loves us beyond our wildest comprehension.  I am also convinced that His decision for Turbo to remain a diabetic is not due to lack of faith on our part.  God gave us Baby D when it was medically impossible for us to have another child.  Because of this, I have no doubt that He could heal Turbo in the blink of an eye.

The Lord has blessed our family with diabetes because it brings Him glory.  How or why that is, we might not know until we reach Heaven.  Dealing with diabetes has definitely increased my prayer life.  It’s expanded my faith.  It has stretched me more than anything else has ever stretched me.  It has opened my eyes to the suffering of others.  It has made me more aware of my need for a Savior.  And those are all good things.

When God chooses not to heal, it is because He has something far better in store.

Joni Eareckson Tada was once uninvited to a speaking engagement after the committee leaders decided that since God had not healed her, she must not have had enough faith.  I think her life is a beautifully-clear example of how the Lord has used her much more powerfully from her wheelchair than He would have were it not for her diving accident.

I don’t know all the ways in which the Lord will use our family to glorify Him, but I do know that since He has currently chosen to allow diabetes to remain a part of us, we can better serve Him with this affliction than we could without it.

Will God ever heal Turbo?  I don’t know.  I know that He is able to if He decides that it would serve Him best.  Diabetes isn’t our punishment.  It’s simply a tool, albeit a difficult one at times, through which we can best glorify God.

God sometimes chooses, for His glory and our good, not to heal.

34 Things That Make Me Who I Am

I love how God created each of us with our own personality and yet designed each and every one of us in His image.  Since I just celebrated my 34th birthday,  I thought it would be fun to post 34 things about myself that make me who I am and that many people may not know about me.

1. I love asymmetry…
2. …but I can’t stand modern art.
3. I’m the only person I know who wouldn’t mind driving a minivan but has never owned one.
4. I thought I’d be an artist when I grew up.
5. I routinely misuse words.  Ask Jon how many times he’s had to correct me from saying defunct when I mean debunked.
6. I would much rather be cold than hot.
7. Despite the fact that I don’t often sleep well at night, I never drink coffee…
8. …unless I occasionally splurge on a Peppermint mocha.  That’s the only form of coffee that I genuinely enjoy.
9. I have left-footed and right-footed socks and will go out of my way to make sure I never wear them on the wrong feet.
10. I strongly dislike the mall and nearly all things shopping-related…
11. …but I love Costco.
12. I am very picky about writing pens: the smaller the ball point, the better.
13. Even though I’m a pianist, I have not yet taught any of my spark plugs to play.
14. I feel a lot of internal guilt about point 13…
15. …until I remember everything else that I AM teaching them.
16. I have high aspirations of correcting point 13 this year.
17. I find minimalism and homesteading equally fascinating.
18. I like being a brown-eyed blond.
19. I like having a brown-eyed-blond spark plug.
20. I often feel as though I lead a vanilla existence…
21. …which is odd considering that I don’t care for vanilla.
22. I don’t consider point 20 to be a bad thing at all.  It’s the vanilla that helps the sprinkles shine more brightly.
23. I’m trying not to drink soda this year…
24. …but I’ve already had 1/2 a glass of Coke.  Oops.  (For the record, I prefer Pepsi.)
25. I wrote my first blog post ever on my 25th birthday…
26. …on my now-obsolete MySpace account.
27. I don’t remember what I wrote in it.
28. “The Boys In the Boat” and “Evidence Not Seen” are two of the best books I’ve ever read.
29. If it were up to me, I’d leave my Christmas tree up year-round.
30. I sing the tenor part in a Sweet Adelines quartet.  The high harmony line suits me.  (No, we don’t sing in public yet.)
31. Speaking up in public always seems like a good idea until I put my proverbial foot in my mouth.  (Happens every.single.time.)
32. I hope to teach my spark plugs a foreign language, which will be a big undertaking since I’m not bilingual.
33. I get tunnel vision and can’t function in large, noisy crowds.  This made for interesting meal times in college, where the brightly-colored carnival-themed decor only added to my overwhelm.
34. I’m a terrible cook, so Jon and I have been teaching ourselves better culinary technique thanks to Youtube.
35. And one to grow on:  someday, I want to keep bees.  (No judgment.  I know I’m weird.  Also, see point 17.)

Your turn:  What things make you unique?

Parenting In Light of Eternity

Parenting in light of eternity

“How 936 Pennies Will Forever Change the Way You Parent,” a thought-provoking blog post, floated around the Christian parenting sphere for a time.  I found it well worth the time I spent reading it.  The author made a great point:  we have approximately 936 weeks to spend with our babies before they turn 18.  Are we spending those pennies (weeks) wisely?

Something struck me as I read through the article, though, something I wish the writer had pointed out.

We aren’t promised 936 weeks.  We aren’t even promised tomorrow.

I know countless parents who have lost children long before the offspring’s 18th birthdays.  If putting 18 years into perspective by viewing them as a penny a week is intended to inspire us to better parenting, should we not also consider the fact that only the Lord knows the number of each one’s days?

Every day with our little ones is precious.  We’re not promised that we’ll have 18 years – or even 18 days – to parent them.  How would keeping this perspective change our parenting habits?

While I don’t want to waste time worrying about what the future holds, Scripture reminds us to number our days so that we may apply our hearts to wisdom (Ps. 90:12).  Next to marriage, I know of no other situation in life that requires wisdom more than child rearing!

If I knew that I only had, say, 12 years – or 624 pennies – to parent one of my spark plugs, what would I be doing differently than I currently am?  Would I change my approach?  My actions?  My responses?

I know that, for starters, I would want to spend more time with a child whose days were numbered.  I would want to be more patient, to be more creative, to do more reading aloud.  I would want to get down on the ground and push toy cars along a track.  I would want to spend time teaching him the truths of God’s Word, reminding him to place his confidence in the only One Who cared enough for him to die on a cross in his place.  I would want to take a million photos a day, trying to capture as many memories as possible.

If those are the things I would do if I knew that our time together was coming to a close, why am I not incorporating these things right now?  The fact is that I don’t know that my time is not limited.  I don’t know my own lifespan.  I don’t know those of my children, either.

While I am not at all worried about losing a child and am content to trust the future to the One who knows what lies ahead, I do think it a good thing to take time now and then to re-evaluate how I’m raising these spark plugs to see if I need to change my approach.

In some areas, I truly believe that Jon and I are doing well.  We daily spend time in God’s Word with the kids.  We pray for them every night, specifically that they will each grow up to love and serve the Lord.  I’m improving on spending individual time with each child and am attempting to quicken my response when one of them needs me.

There are many other areas where I have great room for improvement, and I know that as I work toward strengthening my weaknesses, I will invariably lose traction on my current strengths.  The pendulum of life simply swings back and forth, and I will never be able to do all things well this side of Heaven.  I’m perfectly okay with that.  I may not be able to impeccably execute my responsibility as a parent, but I know that the Holy Spirit is working in both me and my spark plugs and is filling out each of our weaknesses.  It is a beautiful testimony to His perfection.

I don’t know how many pennies each spark plug has left.  I’m thankful for the ones we’ve already spent together and pray that we have many more ahead.  I’ll keep praying for wisdom to raise them, reading and memorizing Scripture with them, and snapping pictures as often as I remember to take out the camera.

I don’t need to know the future.  I only need to be faithful for the days that I’m given with them, whether that’s 936 weeks or 936 seconds.

Your turn:  How has thinking about Eternity affected your parenting?  In what areas are you excelling?  In what areas are you hoping to improve?

Parenting in light of eternity

Windows: Glimpsing the Eternal

We often go walking as a family at night, and it’s one of my favorite evening activities.  Not only do I get to visit in depth with Jon and chat with the spark plugs, but I also get to glimpse through the front windows of some of the homes we pass.  For a brief moment, I witness an ornately decorated living room; a large wedding photo prominently displayed under a spotlight; the sparseness of a minimalist ideology.  I’ve long loved home layouts, floor plans, and interior design, so I find it fascinating to see how others keep their living quarters.

Much like those front windows give me a small look inside someone else’s lifestyle, the Biblical passages on Heaven give me a sneak peek of what Eternity will some day be like.  It sounds beautiful from the descriptions:  gates of pearl; foundation layers of gemstone; purest gold so refined that it appears like glass.

Sometimes, though, I don’t like thinking about Heaven because it seems so far away, so unlike this tangible reality here on Earth.  Earth is comfortable, knowable, seeable, and believable, or at least I’ve convinced myself that it is.  Although I enjoy looking through windows, I love coming home to my own house much more.  It’s where I belong.  Daydreaming about someone else’s decorating scheme is fun for a moment, but I forget about it the moment I cross the threshold of my own front door.

After weeks or months of the comforts of Earth, however, something inevitably happens to remind me to return to Heaven’s Windows.  A long night in the Emergency Room with Turbo is plenty to bring me back to the realization that what I call home here on Earth is merely a temporary stop-gap measure until I get to spend Eternity with the Savior.  In Heaven, there won’t be the stress of sickness, financial concerns, or sadness.  There will only be the wonderfulness of being in the presence of the Almighty.

Until the day that I enter Heaven’s rest, I need to keep visiting the Windows in the Word.  They draw me out of the mundane and pull my heart toward what is very much better:  to be with Christ for all of Eternity.

Your turn:  Are you waiting for Heaven?  What are you looking forward to most?  I’d love to hear!

Of Mites and Men

Just before Christmas last year, someone gave Jon a very expensive video game console.  Since we weren’t sure what we were going to give the kids, we kept the gaming system a secret, wrapped it up, and presented them with a very costly gift that we would not have been able to provide them with had we not been given it by someone else.  Jon and I were thrilled to be able to do this and exchanged knowing looks and winks in the days leading up to the 25th.

Around the same time, the kids started clamoring about what they were going to give us.  Soon, some oddly-wrapped boxes appeared under the tree with our names scrawled across the top in their handwriting.  I didn’t stop to think much about what was actually in the boxes.  The kids usually draw pictures for us on special occasions, and if I’m really truthful, I didn’t think that a few pencil scratches on a crumpled piece of lined paper could compare to the extravagant gift that we were reserving for them.

Christmas morning dawned with excitement, and we enjoyed a special homemade breakfast while we watched the Jesus movie, a tradition we’ve been doing for several years now.  When it came time to unwrap gifts, the kids were delighted with the video game set, just as we had anticipated.

What caught me off guard, however, were the little gifts that they had worked on so diligently for us.  In the first box (there were several), they had placed a small, heart-shaped pillow with the words, “I Love You” stitched on the front.  The pillow had come off of a hand-me-down stuffed red devil, of all things, that a sweet-but-misguided neighbor thought the kids would want.  I had assumed that the pillow had also made a departure when we had passed along the stuffed toy, but the kids had swiped it and saved it for just this moment.

In the next boxes, each of the spark plugs had given 2 dollars of their hard-earned money to Jon and me so that we could, in their words, use it toward our then-unfinished business app.  For children who receive a dollar a week, half of which they either contribute to their savings or toward giving, the thought of them willingly and excitedly giving us the equivalent of three-months-worth of their net income was incredibly humbling.

The last box contained the anticipated scribbles and pictures, but somehow after seeing their creativity and selflessness, they meant a lot more to me than I had originally expected them to.

While we eventually convinced them that we should use their precious gift to splurge on a family serving of frozen yogurt, a rare-but-loved-by-all treat in our family, this was one of my most treasured memories to date.  I had thought that our gift to them could never top their gift to us simply because ours had cost (someone else) a substantially greater financial sum.

I was very grateful to be wrong!

CSF Leak Diagnosis

“I have a CSF leak.”

When Jon came home from an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist one afternoon in July 2009 and said those words, I didn’t fully grasp the severity.  At the time of his diagnosis, I knew nothing about cerebro-spinal fluid leaks; in fact, I didn’t even know that CSF stood for cerebro-spinal fluid.  All I knew (because Jon told me) was that he needed surgery, and the sooner, the better.

After a very long and miserable surgery that August, I started researching CSF leaks to learn what, exactly, it was that Jon had.  Evidently, the brain and spinal chord are normally surrounded by a thick layer called the dura that protects these vital organs.  In addition to keeping the cushioning cerebro-spinal fluid around the nervous system where it belongs, it also creates a perfect pressurized chamber that the brain needs in order to function well.  For people like Jon, a hole develops somewhere along the dura, releasing spinal fluid and breaking the pressurized vacuum.  It also allows bacteria direct access to the brain or spinal chord and can result in meningitis and other serious health complications.

For years before his diagnosis, Jon had suffered from what we wrongly assumed was horrible allergies.  He already knew that antihistamines didn’t help at all, and he didn’t seem to get better or worse depending on the changing seasons.  Every few days, he would be wracked with headaches, burning eyes, and nasal congestion.  In 2009 after the birth of Little Princess, we met our out-of-pocket maximum with our health insurance, and Jon decided to get help with his “allergies.”

We were shocked to learn that, after three rounds of intense testing, he was allergic to nothing.  The allergist wrote him off as having “non-allergic rhinitis” and sent him home.  Unsatisfied with this non-answer to a very major issue, I got him an appointment with an ENT for a second opinion.  It was during this appointment that he first heard the term CSF leak, and a week later a CT scan confirmed his diagnosis of a spontaneous cranial cerebro-spinal fluid leak.

Jon’s CSF leak has caused him migraine-level headaches, breathing difficulty, and numerous other side effects.  Although his first surgery was successful in repairing the leak, the repair only lasted 18 months before it ruptured again.  He’s had more surgery and seen more doctors, but nothing has yielded a permanent fix yet.  We’re hopeful that someday he might be healed, but for now, it’s simply his “thorn sent to buffet him” that we have to live with.

Even so, simply knowing what it is that is causing his bizarre symptoms has in itself been a help.  We’ve connected with other CSF sufferers who not only sympathize with the often-debilitating effects but who are also a wealth of knowledge about specialists, procedures, education relating to CSF leaks.

This will be an ongoing journey for us, but we know that the Lord will use it for our good and His glory.

Update:  Want to know more about our CSF story?  You can find it in my new ebook, "A Place Prepared."  In it, I share about the struggles of a suffering spouse and how it's taught me more about God's design to be Jon's helpmeet.  You can grab your own copy right here!

Finding Beauty in the Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year.  I love everything about it:  the crisp morning air; the fresh start of the school year; the promise of the holidays just around the corner; and, yes, even Starbucks’ over-priced Pumpkin Spice Lattes (though I’d like to try this healthier, do-it-yourself version).  My dad once commented that October would be the perfect time for a wedding since the outdoor colors are dramatic, the weather isn’t too hot (the air conditioning died at my parents’ June wedding – in California’s Central Valley – so temperature is something he and Mom always think about now), and no major holidays are there to impede date setting.

While Jon and I didn’t get married in Autumn, I still think of it as the perfect season with its cool temperature and beautiful colors.

Part of me wonders, though, if the beauty that I see in Fall is actually a result of The Fall.

After all, isn’t the brilliant display of gold, amber, and crimson really the death of the leaf?  And if death did not enter the world until Adam sinned, it begs the question of whether or not we would have had the beautiful Autumnal colors that many of us eagerly wait for every year if The Fall had not occurred.

There is no human way to discern this, but it is something that I often think about.  It’s very possible that leaves would have changed color for a season and simply returned to their green peak of vibrancy without falling from the tree.  Yet, scholars theorize that seasons likely did not change until after the Flood, meaning that there would not have been cooler seasons to induce the amazing color-changing phenomenon that preempts Winter.

I think it’s quite possible that Fall is one of many ways in which the Creator has made something lovely from what was otherwise broken and ruined.  Perhaps He brought beauty from ashes once again by providing yet another instance of His creative genius despite the ruin that sin brought upon the world.  We still have death, and leaves still die and fall from their branches, but God allowed them to do so in a breathtaking way that only He could have thought up.

However Fall came to be – whether originally designed from the beginning of creation or added later after the tarnish of sin had left its mark – it will always be my favorite season.

Your turn:  Which season is your favorite and why?  Have you ever thought about what it might have been like before the Fall of Man?  Let me know in the comments.